Why being a confident imposter actually helps me to strive for excellence
A personal story of dealing and overcoming imposter syndrome throughout my career journey
Being raised as the youngest child in a not-very-appreciative family, it took years for me to fight the demon inside me that always whispered “you’re not good enough”. I still remember how I punished myself for being number 2 in class back when I was in elementary school.
I thought the feeling of being not enough will diminish over time. But I was wrong. It still persists. When I started my career as a Design Researcher, I did not know a thing about design. That is scary. I had been a researcher throughout my professional life, but being a researcher in the design field felt like exploring uncharted waters. The feeling of being not enough creeped in and that was when imposter syndrome came into my life.
Eventually, I was aware that it was actually a good starting point for me to improve myself and get out of my comfort zone. The doubt I had about myself did not make me be blind of my competence.
This is where I started to re-learn everything I have known about research.
I ask questions — a lot. I might have some valuable knowledge and experience, but very little confidence in them since I found that the usual research I conducted was way different than a typical design Research project that I faced at that time. I spent months talking to people about design research just to understand a bit more about it. I remember asking my manager at that time “What does it take to become a good Design Researcher?” and “What is the difference between users’ needs and wants?”. The questions sounded very basic indeed, yet every question led me closer to a new knowledge I would form in the future.
I read — also, a lot. As a new designer (I still feel awkward to say it even until now, as I am a researcher at heart), I tried to understand what design was, how it was different from typical jargon I heard like “UX” or “User Experience”. I turned to popular resources my designer peers referred to help me with my understanding. I learned that design was not only about visuals from Design for Everyday Things by Don Norman. But it was Erika Hall’s Just Enough Research that turned me into a more confident Design Researcher. She gave me the knowledge that I could use to make an impact in my role, in a language that I could understand.
You see, I was uncertain about my knowledge and ammunition at that time, but I didn’t let my doubt to be debilitating. Though I have little knowledge of design and design research, I believed that I could overcome the challenges.
My confidence is in my ability to learn, rather than in my existing knowledge. I unlearned and re-learned along the way.
Increasing confidence to be moving away from having imposter syndrome
There is a difference between imposter syndrome and confident imposter syndrome. Merely feeling like an imposter is not helpful since it means we have low confidence in our competence. However, being confident while having imposter syndrome means that we have faith in our capability to get better despite all the doubt that exists. Now, this is a good starting point; being a confident imposter helps me.
Just like what Adam Grant in his book Think Again implies, having an imposter syndrome might actually be the gate of achieving confident humility; a point when we feel secure enough in our expertise and strengths to admit our ignorance and weaknesses (Source).
We need to combine imposter syndrome with enough confidence and humility so it could guide our ways out of the rock bottom instead of staying there permanently. It will not only help us be certain of ourselves, but also gives room to question our knowledge and ability to strive and get better every step of the way.
“Great thinkers don’t harbor doubts because they’re impostors. They maintain doubts because they know we’re all partially blind and they’re committed to improving their sight. They don’t boast about how much they know; they marvel at how little they understand. They’re aware that each answer raises new questions, and the quest for knowledge is never finished. A mark of lifelong learners is recognizing that they can learn something from everyone they meet.” –Adam Grant, Think Again
Circling back to the feeling as having imposter syndrome during my first years as a Design Researcher, had I stopped learning and re-learning about everything I knew about research, I would not have been where I am today. If I solely focused on having imposter syndrome and not trying to push harder with the confidence that I had, I would probably have surrendered and be stagnant long ago.
While some people might see me as someone with a very high standard in design and research point of view, actually I’m just someone with enough confidence to strive for more improvement and is not afraid of admitting my weaknesses. This is not only because I never only rely on my own competence and knowledge, but I also believe in my capacity to always learn something new.
That is why having a confident imposter syndrome helps me to strive for excellence.
Acknowledgment: Big thank you to Reza Chen for helping me to make this article easier and more pleasant to read and to Maria Yosepha Sirait to give feedback on the 1st draft of the article.
