Pugs Not Drugs

5 reasons pugs are better than drugs

Story By Jonathan Austin

All throughout history, drugs have been rampant in societal use and a drug and alcohol usage were more accepting in some societies than others. For example, in the United States of America there is a drug revolution in the form of cannabis. However, while drugs and alcohol are a source of money, “fun,” and happiness for some, I believe there is a better alternative to them. That simple alternative is the pug. Here is a short list of pug magnificence that makes them better than drugs.

1. Pugs are so ugly….that they are cute

Not a lot of creatures can claim cuteness via the ugly route, but pugs can. Their squished little faces enjoy as much air flow as an non-cleaned lint collector in a dryer and quite frankly, it’s adorable. Pugs look like some form of beagle, that systematically have their faces squished by a wall after getting shot out of a cannon into the pug factory. Whatever the case, the breeders made some cute animals and the appeal os having a cute animal companion instead of drugs is awesome!

2. Pugs are most definitely not communist

While pugs are in origin, Chinese, the thought that they are communist is silly. The pug was bred in the time where Chinese emperors reigned supreme; therefore, they should be considered imperialist, if anything. Any drug addict can tell you that communism isn’t transferred to animals, so the thought of communist Chinese dogs are foolish and irrational.

3. Pugs provide companionship.

I enjoy my pug. She is the one looking at the muffin in the header picture, and ironically, her name is Muffin. I believe she enjoys me as well, and that makes makes me a cheerful man. Not once have I come home to her not being happy to see me and vice versa. To be fair, all dogs are like this, but this is about pugs, so they don’t exist at the time of this writing. In essence, the pug is the ultimate companion in keeping you busy by doing pug things and keeping you off drugs, because pugs don't do drugs.

4. Pugs can be named stuff like “Muffin”

“Muffin,” “Biscuit,” and “Cupcake” are all plausible names for a pug and they can pave the way for some fun encounters. Like the picture above, my dog enjoys self cannibalization (Muffin wants muffins). “Cupcake,” the theoretical pug, could possibly be happy eating some sort of cake that comes in cup form. The thing that allows pugs to be named like this is their silly looking face. For example, you can’t name a German Shepard “Fruit Loop.” It just looks bad.. I really think that this is important, because drugs can not be named like this, and therefore are less than pugs.

5. Pugs are cheaper than drugs

The big money question is money. You can spend $500 on a pug, which is a one time charge, given you have other expenses to pay for. Or you can spend hundreds of dollars a month on various drugs, thousands even. That’s big considering saving in money is huge. Think about it: Just one (pug) lifetime payment versus paying for something you have to consistently spend money or to feel like you’ve gotten your fix. As college students, we should try and save money any way we can. This solution is probably very viable to the college drug user.

This short list is a quick review on why pugs are better than drugs. Pugs are a great source of joy and happiness and I hope this peer pressure to quit drugs and start pugs hits hard.