By Unknown — Unknown, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3715142

Your New Robot Butler (Models XLP-2000, XLP-2000T)

Congratulations! You have just purchased the most advanced robotic butler ever made by humankind! Monotonous, daily chores are now a thing of the past! Modern Life has never been so convenient!

To Help You Get Started

Please refer to FAQs before calling Customer Service. Please do not call Customer Service.

Troubleshooting FAQ

The Robot Butler does not turn on.

Firmly press the start button.

A loud bang is heard when the start button is pushed.

Electrical current is being applied. This is perfectly normal.

The Robot Butler refuses to speak English.

Make sure the voice setting is set to English and not French.

The Robot Butler has just called me an idiot.

A file extension may have been changed or deleted. Rename file from “idiot” to “Sir/Madam”.

The Robot Butler has just demanded back pay.

Make sure you have disabled Java.

The Robot Butler is redecorating my house.

Some models come with an automatic taste adjuster. This is normal.

The Robot Butler is engaging in inappropriate activities with the Amazon drone.

Drones are well-known for their distracting behavior. Reboot the Robot Butler. Make sure all the latest patches have been downloaded and applied. If inappropriate behavior continues, separate the two machines with a forceful jet of water from the garden hose.

The Robot Butler has become moody. It wants to know what is the source of all life and whether God is the necessary existent.

Turn off the machine immediately. Do NOT engage in conversation. Call Customer Service AT ONCE for further instructions.