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Humerotica
Eight Nice Things to Say to a Dong
Conversation starters for talking to Johnsons
Let’s face it, life is lonely as a Peter. You’re there in the darkness, a snake in the grass, looking out at the world through your one eye, and your only companion is that rosy palm that never talks — he just wanks and pulls you out of the hole for a slash every now and then.
He doesn’t appreciate you, not really.
A kind word every now and then, is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is, but that’s where you come in, girlfriend.
Even though he never talks to his pork sword, the owner will be pleased to hear you saying something nice to it every now and then. You have to understand, they are in a power struggle, that dingus and that brain. But the brain does love the wee wee. He just doesn’t fully understand him.
That’s why you should do all you can to make him feel heard, and appreciated, and listened to.
Sure, you love to lick on that lollipop and suck the nectar out of that big banana. But before you do, pause and say hello. Here are a few conversation starters for you to begin talking to the cyclops.
- “Hey, there big boy.”
Your boyfriend will love this, and so will his trouser snake. Conversely, “Hey there little fella” might not be the way to go. Nor do I recommend “Hello tiny todger.” If you do make this blunder, don’t try to self-correct by immediately saying, “I mean, hey there, average-sized fellow.” This is called digging yourself deeper. Not that there’s anything wrong with average. It’s just that the average male believes he has an above-average sized disco stick, so keep that in mind.
2. “At ease, soldier.”
Baloney ponies tend to stand up straight and get very uptight when attractive females like you are around. This phrase will allow him to relax a little. Not that you want him to sit down. No, heaven forbid. He must remain standing for the duration of the “inspection.” But you don’t want to give him a stroke. Oh wait, you do want to give him a stroke. You don’t want him, or his owner, to suffer a stroke while you’re giving him a stroke. That’s what I meant to say, sorry.
