A Small Victory
A story for the True Fiction Project by Shobha Nihalani
Darren was sleeping on the sofa, the quilt half on the floor, half twisted
around his legs. Sue stared at her brother, concerned that he hadn’t
stirred in a while. She moved closer and watched the gentle rise and fall
of his chest. She felt a sense of relief, he looked peaceful in sleep.
Darren was in his late 20s, while Sue was a few years older. She had
witnessed how he was constantly getting into trouble, especially when
he struggled during his teen years. He couldn’t focus on school and later
lost himself in a potent concoction of drugs. He had resisted many times
to be clean and failed miserably.
Sue had coaxed him to join a different program. The doubts seeped in.
Was he really drug-free as he claimed?
Sue wrestled with her feelings. She believed that one day Darren would
be fine and lead a normal life. She was protective of him.
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As she sat on the other side of the sofa, watching her brother, she
noticed that he had lost a lot of weight, his cheeks sunken, and hair
receding, yet he had that innocent quality from when he was a kid.
It was unlike him to come knocking on her door in the dead of night. She
was awakened by the desperate sounds. As she hurried to open the
door, she felt a rush of fear and anxiety. Sue let him in, looked for any
tell-tale signs of him being in the throes of addiction. He claimed he
wasn’t, he had a bad dream, he needed a safe space to sleep, he said.
She hesitated only for a moment before letting her brother in. She
offered him a warm glass of milk; it had been his comfort drink as a
child. Darren silently drank it all, and then lay down on the sofa. Before
Sue could come back with a duvet, he had fallen asleep. There was a
duffel bag on the floor, he had brought it with him. Sue was tempted to
look inside, she didn’t.
Another round of disappointments, she wondered.
As much as she wanted him to wake up, she was afraid of what he
might say.
The previous evening, at the door, before she let him in, she asked.
‘Have you…?’ Sue’s question died in her throat, when he shook his head
vigorously. Could she believe him? He had been in the program for two
years now. He was clean, that’s what they said.
When Darren was in college, Dad had shared openly about substance
abuse and how it can get out of control, and ruin lives. When Darren fell
into that trap of losing himself in exactly what Dad had warned him
against, it was a difficult time for their parents. They didn’t know what
they could do except take him to therapy, and wonder if they failed at
their parenting skills.
The situation got worse over time. Her parents were shocked at the
extent to which Darren would go to feed his addiction. He would lie, steal
and emotionally blackmail them. They trusted that Darren was getting
better, but it was all an illusion. Darren hadn’t recovered after five or six
times in rehab, the therapists and psychiatrists were unable to come up
with solutions. Darren was clever and sharp. He knew how to make
everyone think he was fine, and recovering.
Sue had seen the different stages of emotions that at times drove her
mother to tears for days, worrying about her son. There was so much
anxiety, love and hate, anger and resentment at home. Cracks in the
relationship started and at one point Dad was unforgiving for Darren’s
failure to get clean. He just gave up on his son. Dad couldn’t handle it
and threw him out of the house.
When Sue found a place and a job, she was able to distance herself
from the daily chaos. It also gave her a chance to reflect. She loved her
brother dearly, and offered him a space in her life. Whenever he needed
her, she would be there for him. Sue took charge of finding programs
and centers that would be good for him.
Sue saw her brother for what he was, a good soul, caught up in the web
of substance abuse. She had read up and researched on why it was
harder for him to get off his drug addiction. She discovered that her
brother had ADHD, and therefore had a higher predisposition towards
addictions.
What happened last night, worried her. She slept fitfully, as thoughts of
despair and hope circled through her mind.
It was 8 am when Darren finally woke up. Sue watched his movements
as she prepared breakfast. She occasionally glanced at him; he opened
his duffel bag, took out some of his clothes. He headed to the bathroom.
She heard the shower. He returned to the table, neat and clean. Sue
handed him a glass of juice. He looked at her with a big smile.
Darren had never smiled like that before. Sue kept a straight face,
‘what’s up?’
‘I’m going for a job interview,’ he said in a serious tone. ‘At the library.’
Sue looked at him curiously. His eyes were focused, alert. His demeanor
normal. He sat down. She placed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in
front of him.
‘That’s great.’ She had to ask, ‘What happened last night?’
He looked sheepishly at her, ‘I had a crazy dream… that’s all.’ He dug in
and ate. She didn’t probe further, it wasn’t necessary.
Sue sat down and joined him, they ate together in silence. She felt a
sense of lightness, her brother was looking fine, in fact, in her heart she
felt a flicker of joy, he was looking better than fine. Her brother was
taking responsibility for his life. In her heart she celebrated the victory.
Sue looked at her brother with a sense of affection.
Darren noticed her staring at him. ‘What?’
‘Are you ready for your interview?’ She smiled.
