The Garden of Mortal Sins
Covered in a thick layer of rain clouds and New York smog, upstart director Davis is hosting auditions for his live retelling of Hieronymus Bosch’s The Garden of Earthly Delights as a short liveplay. He’s already gone through several audiences and is currently looking for his ‘glass flower’ couple.
Davis looks up from his casting sheet and yells to the closed door across from the stage. “Okay, next!”
The door flies open and in strides a young couple. Davis looks the couple up and down with a peculiar disinterest in their general demeanor.
With a tired groan, Davis lets his words lazily slide out of his mouth.
“State your names and the role you’ll be auditioning for.”
The man of the couple steps up and full of pride he says, “My name is Michael Germain and this is my wife Zipporah. We are presenting ourselves to you to fill the positions of the isolated lovers.”
Davis is visually uncomfortable after Michael speaks. Maybe it’s soft southern accent or the order Michael chooses his words but nevertheless, he motions for them to begin the scene.
The couple both look longingly into each other eyes before taking a deep breath to begin their audition. Zipporah speaks first.
Listen to the Garden of Earthly Delights on the True Fiction Project:
“Come my love. Here we can find the peace we desire to become one under
the lustful eyes of another. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holin…”
Davis rapidly looks through his script but fails to find the line that Zipporah spoke. In an intense snap of anger, Davis screams, “CUT! CUT! CUT! What in the hell was that?! Why are you quoting Thessalonians?”
Zipporah giggles a bit before responding. “Oops, sorry jumped ahead
a bit.”
Davis’s anger dissolves into confusion and questions Zipporah. “That’s not in this scene…just continue - please.”
Michael steps forward to continue the scene with lackluster effort.
“Are you sure my love? Do you not fear the gaze from envious…Oh dear, I do feel most regretful for lying to the poor man. It appears that he knows his scripture.” Michael weakly chokes out.
Davis again stops the couple with a more serious mixture of anger and inquiry.
“CUT! Again, what are you two doing?”
Zipporah blatantly ignores Davis's question and focuses on Michael. “Honey, I need you to find our lord’s strength. This foul heathen must be
brought back to the light.”
Davis is awestruck at the baffling sight he has been forced to witness.
“You know I can hear you right?” Davis askes.
The couple continues to act as if they are the only people in the universe and Michael responds to Zipporah, “I know I can summon the muster to
tell him, but gosh, it just feels so darn awful to accost another one of our lord’s children.”
Zipporah lets her look drop at Michaels's response.
“Michael, look back to the book of Job. Our lord allows for the vile and the
wicked to test our true faith in him.”
Davis has had enough at this point and cuts the couple off through a series of frustrating yells and grunts. “For God’s sake! What in the hell are you two freaks doing?”
Zipporah’s focus whips back to Davis and in an even louder scream yells, “how dare you take our merciful lord’s name in vain! You will burn in hell you sick-”
Michael noticing the rising tensions jumps in saying, “what my heavenly wife means to say is that we’re here to save you and your future audience from this wicked display of mortal sins.”
“Okay fine, I’ll bite. How is putting on a live retelling of Hieronymus Bosch’s The Garden of Earthly Delights a ‘wicked display of mortal
sins?’” Davis asks.
“Uh…curious that a man that is clearly at least somewhat knowledgable of the scripture unaware of the grave mistake are you making.”
Davis thinks for a moment but gives up before replying to Michael. “Okay yeah nope, you lost me. Please explain before security gets here.”
Zipporah jumps at the chance to preach her spoken truth. “Of course! You, people, continue to turn your back to the lord and use violence to shun the true believers.”
“You people?” Davis questions.
“Yes, you people. The non-believers.”
“Okay, what are you two actually doing here? The ad clearly stated that this play would be fully nude and depict full-sex acts.” Davis presses.
Michael is the first to respond. “We were fully aware. We were sent up north on a mission to save this city from sin. Once we saw your ad we knew we had to come and try to pull you back into the light. This…play is sadly only going to encourage our unwed masses that premarital relations are not only something acceptable but something to celebrate and even engage in.”
“Wait…let me get this straight, you took time out of your day to create
actors’ profiles, with headshots and everything, just to come and preach
that my show is going to make people have sex,” Davis says.
“Don’t say that word!” Zipporah screams.
“What word? Sex?”
“YES! Every time someone says that
word a penguin dies.” Zipporah says with tears welling up in her eyes.
“You’re joking, right?”
Zipporah looks at Davis dead in the eye and says, “I would never joke about
something this serious.”
“Alright brushing past that. So what do you want me to do? Cancel this show on behalf of your abstinence mission. This painting depicts the story of Adam and Eve and how beautiful the world can be when we enjoy our earth vices.”
“No, that painting is a warning of
the lord’s wraith for indulging in
these mortal sins.”
Michael jumps in to help level the anger in the room. “We don’t want you to cancel it! Just adjust your messaging.”
“And get these people covered up!” Zipporah adds.
“So totally change it.” Davis finishes.
“In short yes. In the book of Corinthians, To the unmarried and
the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. But
if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Davis lets out an audibly loud groan. “Let’s just say that I
totally change it. What then? What happens?”
Michael smiles for the first time during the exchange and with pride says, “your show shows the wicked the true path to the light of the lord and
wed to become pure.”
“You know I grew up in a town with
the same belief,” Davis says with a cool tone.
Zipporah’s face drops. “What?! Then how could you fall so
far from the grace of the lord?”
“After my two sisters got pregnant. After my town had one of the highest
rates of STDs and of course we’re now rated as the town most responsible for penguin murders.” Davis says.
Zipporah is left slightly speechless and unsure of what to say. “Well if
that’s the way…
Davis cuts her off and finishes her sentence. “The lord wants it? He works in mysterious ways. I’ve heard it before. I’ve also heard that if you
soak you don’t sin. That you can use duct tape as a condom. That the backdoor doesn’t count. That you’ll go blind and walk backward for the
rest of your life if you rub one out. Can I ask you two a question?
Michael gives a gentle smile and answers. “Of course, you can.”
With a cheeky smile, Davis asks, “When’s the last time you two had
sex?”
With an even brighter smile, Zipporah responds, “Never! We stay faithful.”
“Not even on our wedding night,” Michael adds.
“Jesus, your poor balls. Well, I
appreciated the show but…Sounds like security is here. Any
final words that will turn me to the light? What should I say to the millions of people that want and do want to have sex before marriage?”
“I hope you prepare them to die and
meet the devil himself you piece of
garbage,” Zipporah says before spitting a thick milky glob toward Davis.
The theater door opens and two heavy-set security guards walk in.
“I’ll try my best, security get these two blue ball bastards out of here,” Davis says with a satisfied smile.
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