Power of Empathy

We human beings have the basic needs of being heard and understood. However, most of us rarely have these needs met. We often feel that no one seems to really listen to and really understand us, even when we are surrounded by our loved ones and friends. Those needs are like “luxury commodities” especially for those who are living in poor or dangerous conditions.

To feel better after not getting their needs met, different people cope in different ways. For instance, some people try to convince themselves by saying something like: “So long as I can survive in life, the rest really doesn’t matter and is less important to me,” and “I’m perfectly fine on my own. I don’t need to be heard and understood by others.” Notwithstanding, many of us still struggle and suffer on and off for these needs. Psychological problems such as depression and loneliness often arise from these needs not being met.

In fact, the aforementioned needs can easily be met if everyone is able to be empathetic and display this to one another (e.g. using validation). Meanwhile, empathy can make a huge difference in a relationship. Studies show that people who listen with empathy tend to have closer and deeper relationships with others by being able to connect with them. Thus, it is one of the virtues that everyone should learn to possess and should be taught to use rather than just focusing on sympathy, which is what we used to be told to have by our parents or teachers.

A lot of people confuse empathy with sympathy. Sympathy is standing on the outside of a situation and looking in (e.g. “I am sorry you are frustrated. I hope it will work out in the end.”), whereas empathy is stepping into the situation and feeling the emotion. In other words, empathy is the ability to put yourself into someone’s shoes so that you can understand how the world looks from their point of view and what they are feeling. Thereafter, you can and should communicate that back to them (e.g. “That is so frustrating!”). Doing so will not only make them feel heard and understood, but it will also help them release themselves from previously unexpressed or difficult feelings/emotions that have been tightly bottled up inside.