Sexuality and Facts
Research Behind the Stories
Collecting stories from other women, and some men, leaves me as curious as it does my readers. When I notice trends, I want to know if those are simply among the people I meet or if there are research data supporting these trends. After all, a good reporter wants to verify what she’s about to publish. With that in mind, I am including the questions I’m most often asked by readers and the answers I’ve located during my research.
We’re told men masturbate, not women. Yet in the stories you collect, most of the women masturbate.
Going back a few years to 2007, a study of masturbation in the United States found that 38 percent of women admit to masturbating in the last year. By 2010, the Kinsey Institute found that among women 25 to 29 years old, 57 percent had masturbated in the last month, 72 percent in the last year, and 85 percent at any point in their lives. Women are increasingly comfortable exploring themselves.
And the people most likely to masturbate? Healthy people in sexual relationships. Masturbation supplements our sexuality; it’s not something people do because they aren’t having sex.
Thankfully, women are being told it is okay by magazines, websites, and each other. I’m confident in the research that over half of healthy adult women masturbate on a regular basis. Every person I’ve interviewed for my research has masturbated, but I am also meeting women seeking to share their experiences. The women I meet are typical.
Feel good about it and enjoy it — masturbating is normal!
Das, A. Masturbation in the United States. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. (2007) 33:301.
National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB). Findings from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, Centre for Sexual Health Promotion, Indiana University. Journal of Sexual Medicine. (2010) 7:5.
Do women really experiment together so often?
Much more than men do, yes. A 2011 study conducted by researchers at Boise State University found 60 percent of women studied were sexually attracted to other women. Asked specifics, 45 percent of the women had kissed another woman in a sexual manner and 50 percent had regular fantasies about other women.
While from 4 percent to 8 percent of men acknowledge being gay, bisexual, or having had even one same-sex encounter, women in both survey and observational studies are more sexually open. “Show me yours,” which boys and girls do, is not the same as an adult sexual encounter in these studies. At least two studies published in 2013 found adult women throughout the world, not just in the United States, have a higher rate of “sexual fluidity” than men. Many of these women consider themselves heterosexual, but fantasize about women and have had sexually arousing physical contact.
In earlier research, about 12 percent of women admitted to a same-sex sexual encounter, compared to 4 percent of men. These numbers from the 1980s and 90s remain cited in current literature, but the social norms of the time might have altered the self-reported data. In other words, people lied in the past so they’d be viewed as “normal” by researchers.
Yes, we like each other and even love each other. It is more complex for women — and I think it is more enjoyable. This leads to other questions, including if couples should explore more of this natural tendency. If you enjoy something and your partner is okay with it, then I wonder if it might actually help some relationships. Repressing who we are can’t be healthier than denying emotional and sexual selves.
Chandra A., Mosher W.D., Copen C., Sionean C. Sexual behavior, sexual attraction, and sexual identity in the United States: Data from the 2006–2008 National Survey of Family Growth. National health statistics reports. (2011) 36.
Diamond, Lisa M. and Dickenson, Janna A. The Neuroimaging of Love and Desire: Review and Future Directions. Clinical Neuropsychiatry. (2012) 9:1, p 39–46.
Morgan, Elizabeth M. Contemporary Issues in Sexual Orientation and Identity Development in Emerging Adulthood. Emerging Adulthood. (2013) 1:52.
Morgan, Elizabeth M. Not Always a Straight Path: College Students’ Narratives of Heterosexual Identity Development. Sex Roles. (2012) 66, p. 79–93.
More Q & A with the Author
Allow me to answer the Frequently Asked Questions.
Are the stories edited? How true are they?
Yes, the stories are edited. Some are composites, meaning I take the liberty of merging two or more stories into a single tale. More often, I edit the stories for length, cutting material to make the stories quick reads. We all know people read these to get aroused, as much as they might read them to learn about other people. I want these to be good stories, true in their substance but not so true as to be easily identifiable.
I don’t claim this is journalism or academic research. People deserve privacy, and readers want to be entertained. When I compile these stories, I want to educate, reassure, and entertain.
Why do you write about couples?
Just because this collection is only about couples doesn’t mean that I think it is wrong to have good, healthy, safe sex while searching for a loving partner. I’m all for experimenting and discovering yourself. But, let’s be honest: nothing beats the romantic ideal.
Believing in the right of women to be complete beings, including sexually, does not mean I embrace the foolish traditions of men. We don’t need to have illicit affairs or treat partners like possessions. We can be open, sharing, and passionate. Healthy, loving, sexual relationships need not be emotionally reckless. I am a romantic at heart.
