Being Polite Won’t Get You the Relationships You Want
Authentic human connection requires a dose of discomfort
What makes your interactions comfortable in the moment doesn’t translate into deep connection. In other words, being polite as a way to build relationships is usually misguided.
One clear example is British culture. I can say many good things about it, and I thought politeness was one of them. When I first came here from Poland, where people in public spaces are often suspicious or plain rude to each other, the UK culture felt refreshing.
Even if the politeness was surface-level, I reasoned, it was nicer to hear a “thank you, have a good day” than receiving a grump. While I still appreciate this in shops and public services, I’m not sure that it supports quality relationships.
British politeness is anecdotal — but it has also been researched. Here’s an excerpt from the Independent which summarizes a study on how much people from different cultures say “thank you.”
“Researchers analysed interactions between local people speaking a total of eight languages across five continents and discovered that Brits do in fact say “thank you” more than anyone else.
Published in the journal Royal Society Open Science, scientists included indigenous…
