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New Ways of Relating Can Change Your Identity
Other people can help you re-write the stories you tell about yourself
Something I learned in the last few years is that to change an aspect of my life, I often needed to shift my self-identity first.
- To experience a new level of depth in my relationships, I first needed to see myself as worthy and capable of it.
- To shift my career, I had to start telling stories of what I’m capable of — rather than focusing on what I can’t do.
- To earn more money, I needed a narrative that framed me as someone with experience and skills that matched the new salary.
Every big life change is connected to an identity change. We’re used to thinking that our identity changes as a result of a shift in circumstances. You become an adult when you graduate college, you become a parent after your baby is born — and so on.
Meanwhile, we often need our inner narratives to change first, in order to step into something new. How to perform that feat?
I believe that some specific ways of relating to others can help.