Self-Care Is Not Just About Yourself

“Self-care isn’t a reward. It’s part of the process.” — Anonym.

I don’t know about you, but most of my life I was told that we are on this planet to serve others. And I suspect that, indeed, this might be one of the most noble endeavours available.

But I was also taught that serving others means putting my own needs somewhere towards the end of my priority list. Where did this message come from? — I am not entirely sure. Religious upbringing? Family? TV? Observing general societal patterns? Maybe a bit of everything.

What I remember vividly from my teenage years are some setups in which I felt “called to serve” and at the same time forgot about my needs. Let’s say, a sad friend of mine called in the middle of the night to cry into the phone. So it only felt right to talk to her and try to cheer her up — at the same time neglecting my sleep. Or when I heard my parents fighting, I felt compelled to make things right between them — completely unaware that it was not my responsibility at all.

It took me years to realise what that “help” was really all about. I was trying to comfort myself by disguising it as “serving others” — because this was what I believed I was supposed to do. But, in reality, it was about me feeling better because of “having helped” a friend or…