Solving Conflict Isn’t About Reaching Agreement

Here’s something way more valuable, enabled by restorative justice

All photos in this post — courtesy of Ryszard Stępniak, Wibracje 2023

So many projects, collaborations, and communities fail because of conflict. To some extent, it’s inevitable.

But what if we saw conflict as an opportunity to build deeper relationships? Something akin to a call for learning? If this sounds like a long shot, hear me out.

Or first — hear Katy Hutchinson’s story of reconciling and collaborating with her husband’s killer that she told in her TED talk in Vancouver in 2013.

Katy’s husband was murdered a couple of weeks before her children’s fifth birthday. He was attacked while checking in on a party happening next door. Five years later Ryan, the person who killed him, got arrested, and Katy’s first response was wanting to go and see him.

That was the first step of a long restorative process that brought them close together.

After a few years, Katy was able to understand how Ryan’s circumstances led him to many poor choices he made, including attacking her husband. In fact, Katy and Ryan built such a strong connection that they ended up working together for many years, sharing their story with thousands of kids across Vancouver.