connected?

today i’m on a plane.

one of my favorite places to sit, think, read and write.

i’d have an office in the sky if i could.

it’s clearer i think.

i’ve received most of my life’s revelations up in the clouds.

i’ve been reading Martin Short’s book the last few weeks. with all the dense leadership material i usually read and really enjoy, i like to break it up with a novel or a memoir like this one.

and i’m finding there is a lot about Martin Short i did not know.

in fact, as i’m reading, i can’t really picture Martin going through these trials.

so i try to focus on the words and hear his voice as if he’s reading it to me, kind of like his V.O. performance in the classic movie “Captain Ron”. helps with the visual.

it reminded me of when i share stories of my past with friends.

they’re usually shocked at whatever fact i’m dropping and hit me with the, “oh wow, i did not know that about you.”

which i always don’t know how to respond to. since when did anyone think they knew everything about me?

as much as i love talking about myself, i hate it; rather, i hate how it’s received. because random facts about my life, to me, is just me sharing things i’ve gone through.

jobs i’ve had.

places i’ve been.

things i’ve had the opportunity to experience.

but to others, it sounds like i’m boasting about things i’ve done.

or rather, making up facts to make my stories more interesting.

fact or fiction, why is that up for discussion?

do people seriously make up facts about their lives in order to seem more interesting?

if we have a hard time keeping the actual facts in order, why would anyone fabricate?

i think this unhealthy boasting has crept into our culture so much, we assume the reason why anyone talks is to make ourselves look better than other people.

this is obviously a different type of writing for me this week. i’m calling it, “expository exasperation.”

i bet that’s not a thing.

as i’m reading Martin Short’s life story, he constantly has to say “we never thought we’d be famous, we were just doing what we could and we enjoyed it…”

i’m paraphrasing.

but that’s the gist in the beginnings of his fame.

experiencing what was in front of him, with the people he was close to, and had a great time doing it.

no over reaching goal.

no pressures of “making it” or not.

just fulfilling the purpose in front of you.

you audition. get the role.

meet the cast. become best friends.

have the best time. perform.

repeat.

why is it so hard now to reach our dreams?

why is there something seemingly looming over all of our heads, pressuring us to “do something great” with our lives?

granted, i want to do great things.

i believe i am.

and i believe we all should.

what i’m mostly troubled by is the crippling anxiety and self-depreciation we’ve diagnosed ourselves with in the process.

what happens when people don’t know who we are?

what happens when people don’t care about you like you thought they did?

like, when did the “american dream” become more about making a name for yourself and less about making it home in time for dinner with your family?

don’t get me wrong.

we all want to be famous.

but like, why?

millennials, those born between 1981 and 1994, don’t you remember the simpler time in the world when you had no idea what your favorite hollywood star was eating for breakfast?

ah…what joyous simplicity.

life before the commercialization of the internet.

when the only reason to dial up on the net after school was to chat with the friends you couldn’t actually see and visit disney.go.com to play cartoon games.

i’m the angry hypocrite.

i am one of the most “connected” individuals i know.

i listen to every new song every week.

i know exactly when each movie i want to see comes out.

and i pride myself on being at least 1 or 2 photo apps ahead of the curve.

so why am i complaining???

because it’s exhausting.

and i care way too much.

so much of my life in the last 10 years has been me comparing everyone else’s life to my own and me generating content to post so that i feel better about the fact my life isn’t as cool as everyone else’s.

granted, i’ve never once suffered an identity crisis from any of this.

and i’m in no way traumatized by this social status, success-chasing, clout driven sub-culture economy we all find ourselves in today.

BUT,

i find myself loosing hours of my life each week checking to see what everyone else is doing.

where they are going.

what they’re eating.

who they’re with.

is that her boyfriend?

why is SHE with HIM?

oh, he liked my post, still no follow.

wait….they’re on vacation, again??

dang, she think she a model.

why is he selling this here?

i could keep going.

but i’m sure you do this everyday.

why?

why do we invest so much time and effort into this?

life before the internet, or at least DSL…(haha…remember when all the rich kids got DSL and an xbox?…yeah *sigh*)…was so much simpler and imaginative.

i used to lay on my bed or the floor for hours and just stare at my ceiling fan with a brand new album on repeat until i memorized all the songs.

read books, yes for school, but i’d actually finish them, sometimes.

talk on the phone.

I USED TO DRAW. totally forgot.

remember dinner time? with the whole family at the table? with the tv off?

i feel like i have so much more nonsense in my brain.

there are friends of mine who speak more than one language. like, ALL of my friends speak more than one language….

and i’m still trying to spell the word “rhythm” right without spellcheck.

what am i doing?

i’m pretty sure my brain can do more than i’ve challenged it to do, but yet i waste my time each and every day to “participate” in “social life” through my phone.

i know this sounds like a rant, but i wanted to encourage you;

and really, encourage myself.

it’s okay to sit in silence.

it’s okay to meditate.

it’s okay to not binge watch.

it’s okay to read more than one book at a time.

it’s okay to turn off your phone.

it’s okay to take your mom to dinner, and not post about it.

it’s okay to take a girl you just met out for coffee before stalking her on IG.

it’s okay to have a board game night and not post about how fun it is.

it’s okay to experience life in first person mode.

i guess my main concern is that we all want to stay “connected” but rarely do i feel a strong “connection” to those around me.

another grain of salt…i have the best friends in the entire world.

seriously i do.

i love my framily more than anything.

and social life helps me stay in touch.

what i’m more concerned with is the drive and desire we all share to be known, recognized, praised and loved, and the fact we often look for those things in the wrong places.

i can wake up everyday and be upset at my follower count, or i could go watch the sunrise, get some perspective and be completely satisfied.

real things matter.

community matters.

looking someone in the eye matters.

deep conversation matters.

fun matters.

want to feel connected to the people around you? then maybe it’s time to disconnect for a while.

make a rule…no instagram in the morning until after time with Jesus, coffee and calling your mom.

make another rule…no tv at night until after a nice dinner with your family and hear about their day.

i think we have the brain power to do more.

i think our hearts capacity can expand beyond just ourselves.

i think then we can truly begin living once we stop caring if anyone is watching.

-gb