forgetful

it’s crazy how some things can just take you back.
jog your memory.
pull you into deep emotion.

whether it’s a smell, a song,
a phrase or inside joke.
even a time of year.

the holidays seem to be that time.

the smell of the tree.
christmas songs.
parties, hayrides and searching for lights.

memories are a funny thing.

some good, some bad.
some are dormant until something awakens them.
and you can’t always control when they come or go.

whatever jogs your memory is the crack in the door,
and as you approach, the mental picture becomes clearer and clearer until,
BOOM.
the door flies open and you’re flooded with pictures, memories and feelings that were long locked away.

like i said, you can’t control when it comes,
they just do.

it’s what you do with those memories that define the moment.

the painful ones, you’ve chosen to forget.
the good ones you’ve remembered by choice.
and then there’s the obscure ones.
the in-betweens.
the ones you didn’t remember because they weren’t attached to a huge event,
but they helped you travel to the next memory.

i just played a song on my guitar i hadn’t played in a while.
it was a chord progression that sounded just like a song i used to listen to on an old friend’s EP.

you wouldn’t know his name, or the song.
like i said, it’s a pretty obscure memory.

i went to college in tampa my freshman year.
i lived close enough i could walk to class every day,
or at least to the bus stop.

my soundtrack was my friends obscure EP.
it only had 4 songs on it.
and i had it on repeat. they were my mood.

i was in a very depressed state of mind, for the first time ever in my life.
my first girlfriend and i had broken up,
and the whole world was upside down.

i didn’t know what to do except keep moving forward.

walking to class.
with music in my ears.
the same 4 songs.
one foot in front of the other.

that was 12 years ago.
it’s crazy how quickly a memory from so long ago can come into the forefront of your mind.

it completely took over my emotions for a moment.
i was transported back there.
i could feel the sun on my face.
smell the trash can i used to walk by.
feel the rumbling of the bus on my way to class.

and then all at once, i was back in my apartment.
my wife sitting on the couch.
the smell of Christmas coming from our burning candle.

all is right.

it reminded me,
i’ve been through a lot.
and so have you.

and for as many of the experiences you forget, you gain new ones to fill the gaps.

and memories don’t always have to be painful.
they can just exist and be recalled at a moment’s notice to remind you,
you weren’t always this blessed.
you’ve gone through some real stuff.
and you’re still standing.

God has been good to you.
very good.
you’re still breathing.
you’ve got purpose.

take a second to thank God for that memory, good or bad.
thank him that you aren’t who you used to be, and you’re still
growing into the best version of yourself.

he’s still got more plans for you.
next december things will be different.
sometimes in a bad way,
but eventually it’ll always be different in a good way,
just as long as you keep moving forward.

and maybe we forget the painful memories to make room for better ones.
hope for tomorrow helps us make the most of today.

the best is always yet to come.
and as soon as you forget that,
just look back at where you’ve been.

-gb