How to Build Lasting Friendships (frnds, pt 2)
truthfully, monday night came and i didn’t know what to write about.
i always have a few prompts ready to go.
but the ones in stock were melancholic poems and i wasn’t quite in the mood for that.
good thing though because i ended up calling one of my best friends and catching up for over 2 hours.
isn’t it so good when that happens?
i used to be such a phone talker as a kid, with the corded phone.
we had the longest cord to our “landline” as they call them now…
we used to just call it a “home phone” or even “THE phone”
the cord was long enough to stretch from our… gosh i don’t even know what to call it…
chest of drawers?
it was a like a four-foot, four-drawer small little blue “whos it” where we kept all of our “whats its”
(haha… i’m dead. please read that in your best country accent)
anyways, on top was the answering machine, a notepad to take down messages and our “home phone” with a curly cord long enough to stretch across the room, get caught between my toes and wrap around my arm while i sat and talked in our family lazy-boy.
who’d i talk to?
everyone and anyone.
having permission to talk on the phone as much as you want as an 11 or 12 year old boy was like driving a car.
and i grew really fond of connecting with people through conversation.
so naturally over the years it’s developed into random facetime calls, audio messages, sending little videos over IG…i like connecting.
there’s something special about really connecting with other people, especially people you don’t see very often.
not just sharing a funny gif or meme, or saying “hey what’s up?”
but really spending intentional time with someone on the phone.
you’ll know you’re almost about to really connect when you find yourself at the end of a normal conversation,
not sure what to say next, but you have this sense and neither of you want to hang up,
so you bring something else up.
and the conversation goes deeper.
last night i talked to my college roommate turned ministry partner turned friend from afar.
we chatted about how our friendship has changed over the years in proximity, but there’s really no one else on the planet that knows us better than each other.
and i thought, that doesn’t happen on accident.
we all need friends.
we all need community.
even the loners eventually find human contact attractive.
but not just contact, we need more friendships.
not more acquaintances.
i’m talking about real friends.
i describe my friend as a brother. one of the closest people to me…
can’t do life without him…
i know everything there is to know…
he’s got my back…
there’s not many people in my life i can say that about.
i can count them on one hand.
over the years, that list has gotten bigger and there are more and more people i’ve let “in” to the deepest parts of my life,
and i’m actually very thankful i have.
but i’m realizing more and more not a lot of people have these deeply woven relationships,
or if they do, they don’t have them with the right people.
maybe your closest friends, the ones you tell everything to, were from high school.
and now it’s been ten years
(try eleven…)
and they don’t live the kind of lifestyle you want to live,
and so you stopped asking them for advice and grew apart.
or maybe your closest friends were people you trusted,
until you had a huge blowout,
they chose someone else’s side and left you stranded,
alone and hurt.
and now, you’re too hurt and too jaded to let anyone else in.
or maybe you’re the opposite of that.
maybe you’re in desperate need of a best friend…
so you let everyone in.
i mean EVERYONE.
as soon as they look at you, you start to spill your whole life story,
text a thousand times,
and call people your “closest friend” when in reality they don’t even know how to correctly pronounce your last name…
and they eventually shut you out of their life because you were A LOT.
wherever you fall on the spectrum,
i’m here to tell you that truthfully, there’s no cookie cutter way to find best friends.
i don’t have a magic weekly or monthly step by step plan for you to develop deep and lasting relationships.
(if i did, you better believe i’d charge an arm, a leg, and a whole lot of mulahhh for that)
but,
i do have a few suggestions on how you can start being an intentional friend and begin to build those lasting friendships.
be a friend.
seems simple enough, but some people don’t get it.
you have to “be a friend” before you can expect someone to reciprocate.
don’t get caught in the self-centered mindset that everyone should be there for YOU when YOU need them, without YOU first being willing to be there for other people.
expect nothing.
the thing about unconditional love, is there’s no conditions.
don’t do things for other people “in order to _____” fill in the blank with whatever you like…
…for them to like you
…for them to pay you back
…to get friends
check your motivations.
show up.
a real friend shows up.
to the party. to the hospital. to the recital. the sports events. the car accident.
they show up. so show up when your friends need you.
and be aware, sometimes friends don’t know how to tell you that they need you…you just know.
know when to fold ‘em.
i might get some hate mail if i was to say, “some people aren’t worth your time” but maybe i should say, “some people aren’t worth your time, right now”
if they aren’t being a friend in return, showing up for you and trying to be just as invested in the friendship as you are, then you need to know when to fold ‘em.
you may love them, but they just might not be “worth your time, right now”
say, “i love you” and mean it.
i say it and i say it often.
but i never say it if i don’t mean it.
and if you mean it, then show it.
i can’t imagine doing life without meaningful, lasting relationships.
my parents taught me to treat friends like family, and that’s exactly what i did and what i’ll continue to do for the rest of my life.
and if you’re struggling to find this extended family called friendship, then just be patient.
keep praying.
God is the closest friend you could ever have,
and you never have to beg him to text you back. He’s with you all the time.
allow Him to speak to you and to guide you.
and always remember to call your friends.
-gb
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