my apartment is dirty
does anyone else have a love-hate relationship with cleaning their apartment? (insert: room, house, office, etc).
i know i should clean it.
lately, i just lack the will power.
and when i don’t want to do something, i make excuses for not doing it.
the first excuse is always,
“i haven’t had the time”
when in reality, all i have IS time.
truthfully, i’ve spent my time on things that are less than productive.
why is it so easy for us to pass on being productive?
why do we always say “i’ll get to it later” ?
growing up, i loved having a clean room but hated cleaning it.
it took all day (as seen from the eyes of a kid).
nothing beats a clean room.
new sheets.
vacuumed floor (ya know, cuz it was the 90’s and all we had was carpet).
toys put away.
school supplies in the closet.
the accomplishment running through my veins as i hop up onto my bed to just lay there and listen to music.
there was really nothing like it.
which begs the question:
if feeling accomplished or productive feels SO good,
why do we put it off so much?
there’s a pile of clothes, gym shoes and an h&m shopping bag lying in the middle of my floor for over two weeks, causing me to hop over it each and every day as i leave the house.
why does the temporary inconvenience seem to tip the scales?
for me, the optimist, i know what my place SHOULD look like, and i know one day i will return it to it’s perfect form;
but today, ehh…
i know i seem like a walking contradiction,
but truthfully, don’t we all experience some moods swings week to week?
day to day?
hour to hour?
or even minute to minute…
truthfully, i get stuck in ruts.
as much “energy” as i always have in front of my friends a lot of it is a combination of coffee, God-given adrenaline and a strong weight of trying to please everyone around me.
and when i get home, i’m exhausted.
not because i’m not being myself out in the open.
i think i feel most alive when everyone around me is having a good time, and hopefully being around me had something to do with it (sincerely, the humble narcissist);
but life IS exhausting enough.
and i’m not trying to add more things to do than i need to…am i?
sometimes it seems like i have barely enough time to take care of myself.
or do i?
take a survey of the things in your life you do for yourself and the things you do for other people.
now take a survey of the things you sacrifice OF yourself and the things you sacrifice FOR others.
if you’re like me and not one of the billions of selfish people on this planet, you might notice that your time, money and efforts are largely sacrificed for the people around you.
if that’s not true for you, idk why you read my blog (WHO ARE YOU), but you should keep reading.
i love my friends and family. i love taking care of people.
i love making them laugh and feel accepted and included.
honestly, i want everyone to be better and i truly want something to do with it.
but…if all of that work (and some days, it feels more like work) causes me to ignore my own personal heath, then something is wrong with the equation.
if my floor is dirty and i’m behind on laundry (btw, i’m at the laundromat rn, so practicing what i preach this very minute) or i don’t feel like taking out the trash, then i might just have too much on my plate.
this is not new for me, and i’m guessing it’s not new for you.
you might be like me if you leave dishes in the sink for almost a week before you wash them.
you might be like me if you tell your sheets they can last one more week.
you might be like me,
and you might need to relax.
last week i talked about finding your reset button, which is a great thing to do regularly.
but once you reset, if you don’t know how to juggle what’s on your plate, then you might feel you need another reset the very next day (and you can’t go to the beach every day… you just can’t).
i’ve gotten out of the habit of taking care of myself.
i mean, i still go to the gym but like, i’ll skip out on brushing my teeth before bed if i just don’t feel like it.
gross right?
i stopped flossing (already corrected this, bought floss yesterday and used it last night).
i even stopped cooking dinner if i’m too tired.
i once ate cereal for dinner for at least a week.
a week…at least.
there are things in my life that used to be non-negotiable but have fallen through the cracks.
and why?
i think it’s really easy to sacrifice yourself for the people you love.
and i’m not saying you shouldn’t do that.
that’s what love is.
love requires sacrifice.
but there is a healthy dose.
you can’t sacrifice to the point where what’s left isn’t worth having.
like, i shouldn’t have so much on my plate where the plate can no longer hold what’s on it.
things will begin to fall off.
and usually what falls first is the standards and promises i’ve made for myself.
does this not apply to you?
if i give all of myself to others, what’s left for me?
what’s left for the future?
i think we would all be more valuable to the people we love if we spent time working on the “total package”.
so now, i’m in the process of winning back some “me” time.
i’m trying to order the sacrifices in my life;
trying to prioritize properly.
will i still make my life about others, of course. there’s no getting around that for me.
but do i need to allow time to wash my face and floss before bed, yes.
do i need to constantly clean my apartment in order to create a clean and stress-free environment, yes.
do i need to allow myself time to be creative and plan for the future, yes indeed.
what do you need to do in order to re-order your life?
what priorities need shuffling?
what things do you need to say “no” to so that you can say “yes” to things that really matter?
things can remain important to you, but some other things might need to come first.
in order to be there for others, you might need to invest in yourself more often each week.
i know i need to.
and it’s okay if your apartment is a mess every once in a while.
it just means the only people you’ll have over are your true friends.
but eventually, your apartment needs cleaning.
you need to be able to invite anyone into it at any time.
you need to be able to show them they are worth it, that you value them.
but before all of this, you need to value yourself.
so go clean your room.
be productive.
add value to yourself and watch it overflow onto the way you treat those around you.
-gb
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