need.
i don’t have answers for you today.
are you someone who needs somebody to love?
like, have you noticed there are no gaps between your relationships?
or maybe you’ve been single for a very long time, but you jump from infatuation to infatuation?
crush to crush?
last week you had an IG crush and this week it’s someone totally new…
maybe it’s a tv show you just can’t get enough of
until it’s over and you find a new one to obsess about.
(see the “Max & Liz 4 eva” post if you’re looking for a timeless show to obsess about *wink*)
i see this a lot and what scares me is when i see it in myself.
it seems like the bandaid for your dog passing away is always brand new puppy.
we all know this.
you’re sad.
they’re gone.
and you’re fighting to accept the truth; you’ll never get them back.
you had so much love for their fuzzy little face and cute playful nature.
you tell yourself nothing could replace them.
and then, enter a brand new puppy;
nothing else has ever brought you so much joy, and nothing will ever again.
have you ever considered it’s not the puppy’s love that makes you feel better?
it’s not the way they wag your tail or the way they lick your face or the way they growl while you play tug-of-war.
could it be what really made you sad after your original dog died, you lost the thing you loved and your love had nowhere to go
you love something no longer represented in this plane of existence and every second you spend with your love denied is pure torture.
it wasn’t until the new puppy walked in did you start to feel better.
your love has an object again
and all is right again with the world.
i hope i’m painting this picture right.
because i see this in relationships all the time.
do you need someone to love?
or do you need someone to love you?
i do.
for sure i do.
when they ask,
“are you a lover or a fighter?”
i say,
“i fight for love!”
but i have this obsessive part of me that wants to love others.
i thrive on it.
i NEED it.
more than that, i can’t help but question..
is it my desire to give love or my desire for my love to be received that makes me so obsessed?
i honestly don’t know which drives me more crazy.
how crazy in crush i get or how upset i get when my love isn’t received in the way i expected it to.
we all have those celebrity crushes where we would literally die and melt into a pool of human slush if they were to walk in the room.
(i’m convinced i would be able to hold it together and say something clever…but in reality, who the hell knows what would happen)
(you didn’t ask for this):
my philosophy for celebrity crushes is not to crush on someone so out of reach that it could never happen…
like, i’m not over here checking to see if Taylor Swift knows i follow her own IG and saw that i liked and commented on her post…
i used to…but i’ve learned it's not gonna happen.
no sir,
i’ve switched tactics.
i’d rather obsess in a plausible celeb-greg interaction.
my celeb-crush (yes, that’s singular) is within reach.
i’m just a stumble into the right coffee shop in LA at the right time and BOOM we’d be in love.
at least that’s how i believe it would go down.
truth is, we obsess to the point where fantasy becomes our reality.
don’t believe me??
…ever had a stalker?
like someone who just chased you down like they were convinced you were supposed to be together?
they WANTED you.
they NEEDED you.
and you were like??? “umm…i don’t even know you…go away”
truth is, we are all stalkers… you just don’t call yourself that because what you believe is gonna come true (you KNOW it).
you’ve convinced yourself your fantasy is reality and you’ll do anything to make it so.
and so have they…you just aren’t a part of that reality.
what i’m trying to say is,
we love too much, we go too hard, we obsess, we entrap ourselves into believing our position and how WE feel is how things ought to be;
when reality could be, and often is, very very different.
we are focused on OUR love as if we NEED to give it and they NEED to receive is.
at least i do.
and then when we finally give it, since our default is to focus on ourselves,
we are very very disappointed when our love isn’t reciprocated in the way we dreamt it would be.
do you see how this could be a problem?
unmet expectation is the sole contributor to unhappiness.
and when we are unhappy, we don’t make healthy decisions.
we get stuck in a cycle and it’s very very hard to get out.
how do we correct this?
well…like i said in the beginning…i don’t have answers for you.
truth is, i’m pretty sure i’m always going to love too hard too soon.
i’m a lover and i’ll fight for love.
but what i can tell you is that YOU are not the most important part of the love equation.
yes you can love as much as you want,
but when your love isn’t returned in the way you expected it to be, don’t be so self-absorbed where you lash out against the other person as if they were wrong.
no.
get over yourself for a moment.
take the focus off of your unmet expectation and stop to simply love that person without expecting anything in return.
isn’t that true love anyway?
loving unconditionally.
loving without condition.
you have to fight with your ego to get to the point where you say,
“nothing you say or do will make me love you less.”
and now, since there are no conditions, there are no expectations.
and now, no ground for you to let me down.
i simply, choose to love.
no matter what.
and when the one you’ve chosen doesn’t choose you back, recover.
heal.
then find someone else and take a chance.
recovering and healing is a process though.
some people can bounce back in just a few weeks.
others take months or even years.
i just want to be able to tell the difference between an unhealthy obsession and healthy love.
and i want the same for you.
and maybe one day, we’ll all find that balance.
so love fast and love hard.
just don’t get upset when they don’t do it as fast.
if your love is true,
if your love is pure,
one day they’ll catch up.
and if they don’t,
then you can keep on loving until you find one who does.
-gb
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