Are You Really Awake?

Test of Consciousness

I awoke with thoughts about the day ahead.

I ate breakfast while reading emails. I showered mechanically, on auto pilot, not thinking about the shower but about what shirts I had left in my closet that were clean. I got dressed thinking about my lunch meeting.

I drove to work and paid attention to the road. That’s a lie. I was on my phone the entire drive and never noticed the people, cars, or world around me until I was in my parking space at the office. I said hello to the security guard in the lobby. I forget his name even though he wears a name tag. He knows my name. He knows everyone. I got in the elevator, pressed my floor, and then read emails until the doors opened at my floor. I have no idea who else was in the elevator with me.

For the next four hours I read and composed emails, took phone calls, made and drank an espresso, attended several meetings, and sang Happy Birthday to a colleague in the conference room…all simultaneously.

I had a lovely ahi tuna salad for lunch, but now I can’t remember tasting it. Likewise, for the 4pm chocolate chip cookie I ate. Evening yoga class allowed me to unwind from my day. Once my brain relaxed, I was able to create a mental checklist of things to do when I got home. I’m pretty sure yoga was good, but I can’t say that for certain. Though I did remember that I had to stop at the dry cleaner on my way home and that was very important. I needed my blue shirt for tomorrow. Back at home, I got into sweats while reflecting on my day. I felt productive.

Still, I have a pervading sense that life is going by and I am completely missing the moments. I will give that some more thought tomorrow.