3 Ways to Tweak Anxiety
She described leaving her enviable job, driving to a popular bakery, and then standing, staring at an assortment of beautifully decorated cakes. She spoke of her painfully acute awareness of other patrons approaching the counter, quickly requesting a cake…spelling out the message to be iced on top, and in a flash, leaving, cake-in-hand. She explained that while she observed all of this happening outside of her, she stood knowing full well that this is how cake picking works — and it is not hard. And how despite this knowing, she stood staring blankly at the collection of cakes, her heart beating in her throat, her body paralyzed by choice.
This is Anxiety.
Worry and anxiety are not the same. Being worried that your friend will not like their birthday cake makes sense…spending half an hour staring at cakes (all of which are a good choice) while simultaneously talking yourself into a shame spiral that somehow equates your self-worth with your capacity to pick “the best” cake, does not.
If you play out the experience described above the cornerstone characteristics of diagnosable anxiety are revealed. Imagine — you know that the task at hand is not a difficult one, yet you find yourself stuck, and that is worrisome. The recognition that something illogical has taken hold of you and is playing out in a way that incites the feeling of being removed from choice is exhausting. The juxtaposition of existing as a highly capable and high functioning individual and all the while being on the verge of public meltdown all over picking a cake is irritating — maddening even. That fear — the fear of being driven mad by everyday undertakings is the foundation of anxiety.
According to the DSM-5 (the diagnostic manual of mental health professionals) diagnostic criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder include the experience of excessive worry that is difficult to control, easy fatigue, irritability, difficulty with sleep, muscle tension and difficulty with decision making. Those who experience anxiety are more prone to also facing depression, and the experience of anxiety is by nature isolating. It’s hard to explain to your friends that you are an hour late to the party because cake picking lead to paralysis. It’s easy to imagine why instead of facing the truth of your tardiness, you might just duck out of the party altogether. In short, anxiety is stifling.
Think of anxiety as a car alarm. Like a car alarm, anxiety’s intention is to warn you of danger. A car alarm is supposed to go off in the event that there is an imminent threat. A burglar begins to tap at the car’s window in an effort to break in, and the car alarm sounds — helpful. Anxiety however works like a car alarm that is keyed too highly…the kind that will go off if a dog sniffs at its tire, or a person simply passes closely by — not helpful. Anxiety is that too-alert car alarm. The one that’s constantly calling wolf and distracting your attention and energy from the things that you hold most important.
While this brief article cannot completely replace your internal alarm system, I’m hopeful it can offer some tools to help tweak it. Here they are…all in the context of the cake conundrum:
1. Name it: When you notice the too-active alarm sounding, try to put your finger on the perceived threat. What about choosing a cake could go wrong?
2. Play Probability vs. Possibility: Anxiety is rooted in anticipation of a future threat. To play a game of “possibility vs. probability” can undermine this perceived threat. Example- Is it possible that the cake you chose will be hated by all celebration attendees? Yes. BUT, is it is probable that not a single person will enjoy the cake — NO!…it’s cake.
3. Follow the fantasy to its end: So, what if you’re wrong? What if despite the improbability of everyone hating the cake, it turns out that they do in fact hate the cake…what about it? Is the cake an extension of who you are? NO! You didn’t even bake the cake. In the worst-case scenario, you’re not a great cake picker…so next time, you bring the balloons.
The tweaks suggested above are a tiny glimpse at the abundance of evidence based therapeutic strategies and tools that are shown to effectively reduce anxiety. Engaging in anxiety treatment with a licensed therapist can allow you to have your cake, and eat it too.
About The Author
Coley Williams is the Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer of Level Therapy. She is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and practices psychotherapy in California. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.
