Venting Fails You — An Alternative

By and large, “venting” is a socially acceptable means of dumping emotional discomfort. The movie Office Space offers classic examples of fantastical venting sessions that go beyond the use of words and directly to the physicality of rage (see the classic office-supply smashing scene here). Venting is seductive — it’s a passionate endeavor driven by the desire for relief; and it even provides a snippet of fleeting satisfaction.

The problem?…venting fails you.

As it turns out, years of psychological inquiry demonstrate that venting actually keeps you stuck in a negative mindset. If you think about it, it’s easy to identify how venting to the same person over time is a recipe for resentment. As named at the start, venting is equivalent to emotional dumping — and no one wants to be perpetually dumped upon. Now, think of how chronic venting can impact the relationship you have with yourself…how essentially this practice can hold you emotionally hostage in a feedback loop of unresolved angst. This is because venting, or “going off” on all the shortcomings, frustrations, annoyances, disappointments, etc. of your circumstance robs you of the capacity to actualize meaningful change that would shift your experience. You vent because you’re seeking relief — but relief is only lasting when you are able to process your experience, feel its impact, and then actualize a positive alternative.

Just about everyone has worked with a venting champ. Often these folks are charismatic and entertaining — remember, there is a lot of passion in venting. If you think about that person’s epic water cooler rants, you’ll notice that overtime there is little to no evolution in the venter’s spiel. The venter likely shows up with just about the same amount of contempt, a heavy dose of sarcasm, and rarely (if ever) a report of resolution or satisfaction. They are stuck. And while misery loves company — misery also loves staying miserable.

So, what’s the alternative?

While the alternative is not very sexy, it is potent. The antidote to venting is processing — that is, seeking understanding of what feelings are being triggered within you and why, feeling those feelings and then finding a means to activate change. Processing can be done on your own through means of reflection such as journaling. However, processing with the support of a professional such as a therapist allows for objective feedback and deeper exploration of old patterns that reinforce “stuck” as well as fertile ground for trying out new ways of confronting discomfort.

In short the choice is to continue littering your relationships with venting, or dig a bit deeper as to process and plant seeds of change.

About The Author

Coley Williams is the Co-Founder and Chief Medical Officer of Level Therapy. She is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and practices psychotherapy in California. You can connect with her on LinkedIn.

Found this post useful? Kindly tap the ❤ button below! :)