159. NARCISSISM AND SELF-ESTEEM
In Scientific American, psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman offers help to sort out the difference between narcissism and self-esteem. Here are gleanings from his article.
“The ‘charismatic air’ of narcissists — from their flashy attire, to their self-assured behaviors, to their charming glances, to their witty humor — often makes a big first impression. At the same time, people seem to be really good at accurately perceiving narcissism in others based on minimal information (even just physical appearance is usually enough of a cue to accurately perceive narcissism). Which raises an interesting question: Why are narcissists — who are characterized by extremely high levels of exhibitionism, arrogance, sense of superiority, vanity, entitlement, exploitativeness, and the incessant need for acclaim from others — so attractive?”
“Canadian researchers Miranda Giacomin and Christian Jordan … examined whether narcissists make positive first impressions because people may confuse narcissism for high self-esteem. While many people tend to think that narcissists score sky high in self-esteem, the association between narcissism and self-esteem is actually rather small, and narcissism and self-esteem have very different developmental pathways and outcomes.
“Those with a healthy self-esteem believe they are worthy and competent, and strive for intimate, meaningful connections with others, but do not necessarily see themselves as superior to others. In contrast, narcissists think they are superior to others, but they don’t necessarily view themselves as worthy. Indeed, because they often lack an inner stable sense of self-security, the narcissists’ sense of self-esteem is often almost entirely dependent on the validation of others. Could it be that people are confusing the two?”
“[Research] findings suggest that those scoring high in narcissism make positive first impressions because people perceive them to have high self-esteem, causing them to overlook their narcissism (even in dating profiles). However, people aren’t attracted to the narcissism per se, and the pattern of greater liking was reversed when perceivers were explicitly told that people scored high in narcissism. Why are so many people misperceiving narcissism as self-esteem?”
“Narcissists are expert manipulators of the signals associated with self-esteem. Self-esteem is a socially valuable trait, and other studies have also found that people are viewed more positively when they are perceived as having higher levels of self-esteem. It’s likely that those scoring high in narcissism are very aware of this fact, and strategically present themselves in ways that convey high self-esteem.”
“Because those scoring higher in narcissism do tend to be more popular and have larger social networks than those scoring lower in narcissism, people may have the drive to associate with them to attain status by association. After all, … narcissists are very good at drawing in vulnerable people who are particularly deficient in their esteem needs.”
“Indeed, narcissists live in the ‘emerging zone’, situations involving unacquainted individuals, early-stage relationships, and short-term contexts. It is in this zone that narcissists are more likely to be perceived positively, because they are motivated to make a good first impression.
“In contrast, narcissists tend to crash and burn in the ‘enduring zone’, situations involving acquainted individuals, continuing relationships, and long-term consequences. As the relationship develops, narcissists start displaying behaviors that are evaluated negatively, such as arrogance and aggression.”
“In the realm of dating, often the most valuable dating partners will not announce themselves with flashy attire and a perfectly orchestrated smile. In fact, it’s quite the opposite: Those with a healthy self-esteem usually don’t feel the incessant need to announce their greatest qualities upfront, because they are confident that all will be revealed in time (they have a stable sense of worth).”
Note: A big limitation of these studies is that they are mostly conducted on college undergraduates. There is undoubtedly a huge age effect here, and as people get older, they most likely become more accurate at distinguishing between narcissism and high self-esteem, and are less likely to find narcissistic displays of confidence attractive even at first acquaintance.
Q: How accurate do you think you are in making this distinction between narcissism and self-esteem?
