81. EMPATHY REVOLUTION

The title of this post seems appropriate in wrapping up this week’s triptych on empathy. Greater Good Magazine’s book review editor, Jill Suttie, Psy.D., wrote a review of the book, The Empathy Effect, by psychiatrist and researcher, Helen Riess. The review is called “Why the World Needs an Empathy Revolution,” and what follows is what I gleaned from Suttie’s review.

“The ability to connect empathically with others — to feel with them, to care about their well-being, and to act with compassion — is critical to our lives, helping us to get along, work more effectively, and thrive as a society.”

“Many confuse empathy (feeling with someone) with sympathy (feeling sorry for someone), and even researchers who study it have muddied the waters with many definitions. But Riess does a good job of untangling that and explaining the many dimensions of empathy. Empathy, she writes, involves an ability to perceive others’ feelings (and to recognize our own emotions), to imagine why someone might be feeling a certain way, and to have concern for their welfare. Once empathy is activated, compassionate action is the most logical response.

“Empathy relies on specific parts of the brain that evolved to enable emotional connection with others and the motivation to care. When we see someone in pain — let’s say, because we witnessed them accidentally cut themselves — pain pathways in our own brains light up, though to a lesser degree. This is the emotional part of empathy — sometimes called emotional resonance. … ‘[Your] sophisticated neurological system allows you to observe others hurting and gives you just enough of a taste of the pain to consider helping them out,’ [Riess] writes.”

“We may find it hard to empathize with some people. But that doesn’t mean we can’t strengthen our empathy muscles, according to Riess. … She has developed a program … [and] uses the acronym EMPATHY to outline the steps of her program:

“E: Eye contact. An appropriate level of eye contact makes people feel seen and improves effective communication. Riess recommends focusing on someone’s eyes at least long enough to gauge eye color, and making sure you are face to face when communicating.

“M: Muscles in facial expressions. As humans, we often automatically mimic other people’s expressions without even realizing it. By being able to identify another’s feelings — often by distinctive facial muscle patterns — and mirroring them, we can help communicate empathy.

“P: Posture. Sitting in a slumped position can indicate a lack of interest, dejection, or sadness; sitting upright signals respect and confidence. By understanding what postures communicate, we can take a more open posture — face forward, legs and arms uncrossed, leaning toward someone — to encourage more open communication and trust.

“A: Affect (or emotions). Learning to identify what another is feeling and naming it can help us better understand their behavior or the message behind their words.

“T: Tone. ‘Because tone of voice conveys over 38 percent of the nonverbal emotional content of what a person communicates, it is a vital key to empathy,’ writes Riess. She suggests matching the volume and tone of the person you are talking to and, generally, using a soothing tone to make someone feel heard. However, when a person is communicating outrage, moderating your tone — rather than matching theirs — is more appropriate.

“H: Hearing. Too often, we don’t truly listen to one another, possibly because of preconceptions or simply being too distracted and stressed. Empathic listening means asking questions that help people express what’s really going on and listening without judgment.

“Y: Your response. Riess is not talking about what you’ll say next, but how you resonate with the person you are talking to. Whether or not we’re aware of it, we tend to synch up emotionally with people, and how well we do it plays a role in how much we understand and like them.”

“Riess describes other instances where empathy is crucial — for example, when we encounter people who are different from us, when we ourselves have made a mistake and need self-empathy, in our workplaces, and even within government. And she examines the potential downsides of empathy, too — like when perspective taking is used to get inside people’s heads and manipulate them rather than to show caring.

“Still, the importance of empathy in everyday life cannot be oversold. By understanding how it works and can be augmented, … we have one of the key tools to cultural transformation, Riess believes.

“She writes, ‘We have hope to help shape a more civil society, respectful discourse, understanding of others, and a humane world.’”

Q: Do you think this practice of EMPATHY as outlined by Riess would result in a revolution? If so, to what extent?