1. My Story

Introduction

It’s a lot for me to write this out, but I’ve come to a point in my life where, if I don’t do something, I won’t ever have a life worth living. I have had a very difficult time with my relationship with Sex.

The Beginning

I was first exposed to nudity when I was young, I wasn’t meant to see what I saw, and it’s still hard to get it out now, I must’ve been around the age of 5 or 6 when this happened. As a child, you don’t realise the catastrophic impact it ends up having on you; Discovering Porn at Age 9 or Getting Groomed at 17–18 into things you don’t want to do. I have experienced some very vile interactions online and I still suffer to this day with PTSD, including night terrors and sudden flashbacks.

I was never the most popular kid in school, I suffered a lot during it, I struggled to keep friendships, I was bullied aggressively, It was so bad, the only time I left the house from the age of 12 onwards until 16, was to go to school. And so, this left me very vulnerable, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body, I felt like I had to be someone else. I was called ugly and small in school, there was not a single girl interested in me. With a porn addiction starting around age 12, I would be constantly fixated on it, sometimes I would spend entire days just watching more and more content. This coupled with my lack of social development left me mentally malnourished into my later teens. I was too trusting of people, I didn’t seem to question those I met online’s true motives, I always assumed it was a good thing. This is where the damage really began to start…

My Last 5 Years

I began uploading nudes of myself online when I was age 18, originally I didn’t show my face, which I wish I kept to that deal. I was in a fantasy land where I’d get lots of messages from all sorts of people, saying how great I looked and how they wished to be in the same room with me. It was a high I never felt before, a rush where I would garner all this attention for very little effort. The issue is, once you lose that initial buzz, you begin seeking the same or more, and because not every post did so well, I kept posting and posting and posting. There were times where I have lots of people messaging me, and times where there were none, which let me to desperation. I ended up talking to some unsavoury characters, I wasn’t aware of how bad they were until I’ve gotten older, but I was made to agree to things, I was offered money, gifts and even a entirely new life by someone, I was blackmailed, I was catfished and even received a death threat.

As I have gotten older, I have become a lot stronger and I have obviously completely stopped talking to these messed up people (for many years now) , though it didn’t stop me chasing that high. I was asked a lot to show my face, and because there was so much peer pressure, along with the fact that those who do post their face, gain a lot more attention and interaction. I’ve have posted quite a few nudes with my face in over the years, It obviously leaves any potential career in disrepute, It turns off most potential partners and most importantly, has done nothing for my self esteem. Sure, in the moment I got a buzz because someone found me handsome or cute, only for them to quickly disappear, so relying on it to find a partner was futile.

Where I Am Now

So this leads me onto today, I’m trying to rebuild my life, and I thought the only chance of redemption I have, is to help those in similar situations and offer advice. I’d Ideally love to make a community of this. Please note that I’m not against porn or adult content within itself, this is just aid and help for those who either have these addictions to the content or those trying to remove themselves from it, whether that be self-made content or the mainstream porn industry.