The Red Issue: presented by the Young Women’s Hub

This week’s post was written by Aishah Nahar, an intern at FORWARD UK.

This post is very belated but alas, we move. Thursday 25th July was a record-breaking day for the UK with highs of 39 degrees. What better conditions could we have had to discuss some hot Red Issues among black and ethnic minority women? So many bright and lovely humans of all ages and backgrounds joined us to have candid conversations on themes we have been made to be silent on for far too long. Addressing traditionally taboo topics and turning them on their head, unpacking them and using our own personal experiences to stimulate conversation created an atmosphere of trust, understanding and empowerment. Discussion was flowing and although we were definitely tight on time, hearing everyone’s different perspectives was sobering. The event was held at Camden Collective with special thanks to Deborah Marie, founder of Afronoire for sponsoring the event. The platform champions black women by amplifying their work within the cultural, social and professional sectors through engaging, visual, story-telling and experiences. Our organisers, Enna and Paige, did an amazing job putting it all together so before I get into it, I want to give them a special shoutout, especially because this was their first event! Ladies, you are amazing. You created a safe space for open discussion and successfully helped women find their voices on matters concerning them and the women in their lives. Thank you. Well done. We can’t wait to see what else you may have in store for us in the future! Without further ado, let’s talk all things Red Issue.

In true FORWARD style we started off with some female empowerment by getting everyone to share positive affirmations; something good that happened recently or something they are proud of. Whilst challenging,it was a great way to start the event. The range of affirmations were beautiful and the soul radiated through each statement. Reminding ourselves to reflect and reaffirm our positive truths is something we should do more often. Every black and ethnic minority woman has something to be proud of, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Even if society tells you to stay quiet, be loud and proud of who you are, where you come from and where you are going. Always.

FETISH OR PREFERENCE?

“He wanted all black everything”

A discussion not many like to address, particularly in this age of globalisation, is the fetishisation of brown skin, faces and bodies. When we think of racial ‘preference’ for a partner we often think of exclusivity — from the white woman announcing “I only date black guys!”, to the black guy ‘denouncing’black women in favour of a white women. There are a lot of different takes and interpretations on the topic which means there is no right or wrong answer to whether racial preference is by default fetishisation, though we might agree it can certainly be problematic on different levels. Is he with you for your body and skin colour alone? Is he seeing a person or a toy thing when he looks at you? Are you just the right ratio of black to white in character for him? Being fetishised is complex. When you give yourself to someone you’re offering more than just the vessel of your being. You’re there as you in as a whole a way as possible so pay no attention to those who refuse to see the full beautiful picture.

Gethsemane Herron, a XYZ, (See link above) uses spoken word to tell a story about how she was fetishised by a white man she once dated. For her, it was a relationship like any other. She adored him, enjoyed being around him and spending time with him. But, for him it was something else. She soon realised that she was more of an accessory to him than a whole person. A black accessory to a white man who thought he, too, was black. (He wasn’t lol) People who ‘prefer’ black people are ultimately only concerned with what they can gain from a relationship with this preference rather than this person. Assumptions about black men, for instance, leave many to romanticise sexual relations with them and this is ultimately where fetishisation lies. In hindsight I’m sure Gethsemane finds this behaviour laughable, but a larger reality is brought into focus by this single story. Black women have for centuries been subject to use and abuse at the hands of all kinds of men. In the modern day it is no different as black bodies and culture are commercialised, instagram models wear blackface and white boys rap at Glastonbury and get given a record contract. Whether this is a product of cultural assimilation or not, it is no surprise that ‘Blackness’, whatever it might be defined as, has become ‘fashionable’ and ‘trendy’. Is it an overcompensation for white-guilt? Is it all an appalling effort to prove one’s non-racist nature?

So, how do we decipher what is a fetishisation and a preference? Is there a difference? A preference, we thought, might look more like someone preferring their own race as this is less problematic. Wanting to retain one’s cultural identity or have common ground with your partner is acceptable. In fact, it is somewhat encouraged. A fetishisation, on the other hand, would look like the case presented above. We had much to say on the topic and it definitely got us thinking about our experiences with men within and outside of our own races. I for one believe there is a clear correlation between the experience of one’s community and one’s preference for a romantic partner. That community experience might conjure up feelings which you do not always acknowledge. For instance, some of the ladies expressed the dejection they had felt at the hands of black men who often degraded and slandered beautiful, black women. When you’re raised around men who perpetuate this narrative, whether it is at school or at home, it is difficult to shake as you get older. The same can be said for Asian women, who are often polarised against white women by Asian men. Are black or Asian women less than white women? Of course not. We are all women and we are all beautiful. Another attendee revealed how it is not always to do with being told you’re ‘less than’ just for being black either. Often our own communities condemn us for internalizing a Western style of being — ever been shamed and called a “coconut”? Ever been made to feel you’re not black/brown enough? A tiny bit ‘too white’? As a result women can become inclined to date outside of their race, where these harmful assumptions do not reside, even if not consciously deciding to — is this a fetishisation? If I choose to date a white guy over an Asian guy, am I fetishising white men? Or further perpetuating a negative narrative associated with Asian men? You see, ironically enough we end up running the risk of creating a similar ‘fetish or preference’ situation by objectifying the other and taking part in acts we condemn. Yet, at the same time, can we be blamed for this?

Be who you are. Love yourself. Prefer yourself.

In due time the universe will bring you someone that will love like you, I promise.

BODY POSITIVITY

“The Self” ft. Laurence ‘Moniasse’ Sessou

Afronoire beautifully crafted a short film which was played to get the conversation on self-love started. The topic of discussion was on whether anyone in the room had felt the pressure to have the ‘perfect’ body. I think it is safe to say that everyone had something to say on the matter as it was the topic that had the most discussion and one which we definitely wanted more time for! Nonetheless, here’s a quick rundown of what kind of things were touched on the topic of body positivity.

Women are dealing with body policing from our communities, where voluptuous bodies are admired yet still shamed, and from Western society, where skinnier, light-skinned, petite frames are admired and yet still shamed too. This is not news. Both are hard to unpack and unlearn in their own ways. With the former being in our direct vicinity it follows us from childhood through to adulthood and becomes set deep into the fabric of our conscious. The latter is everywhere, from the shows we watch, the adverts we see, to the beauty trends we follow. How we can liberate ourselves from these unrealistic societal expectations of women is complex and often difficult, but very much possible. The start of our own self-actualising is the best revenge in the face of horrible pressures to fit into socially prescribed boxes.

In this discussion the topic of social media and the impact it can have on the mental and physical well being of a person was inevitably at the forefront. The growth of body dysmorphia, anorexia, insecurity, imposter syndrome etc. amongst young girls is certainly related to the prominence of social media and popular culture. However, societal standards for women is not a new phenomena. As one attendee pointed out during the discussion, the preferred body ratio for women has been prominent for hundreds of years. Look to the Victorian era, for instance, where a tiny waist and big bottom was the trend, as it is today. I think there is a slight overlap here between fetishisation and black women’s bodies in the modern day. When you look at how women now aspire to have Brazilian buttlifts, lip fillers and dark skin, without the implications of actually being a black woman, it is difficult not to see a fetishisation, and commercialisation, of black women’s bodies.

One attendee strongly suggested taking a break from social media or just outright abandoning it all together. Others elaborated on how social media could be capitalised upon as a means of empowerment and campaigning. We discussed how one of the healthiest decisions you can make is blocking, unfollowing, or muting pages/profiles that provoke negative feelings within you. In place of these, follow pages that genuinely make you feel good. Stay up to date with women who inspire you to live your best life and be your best self. Learn how to use your own platform to empower others because at the end of the day, we all know empowered women empower women.

SEXUAL AND REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH

FORWARD UK and Edem Ntumy

With bodies and relationships in mind, it was only natural to get some sexual health education. So, one of our favourite humans, one Edem Ntumy, a sexual health nurse from SAASH, gave an educational talk by whereby myths regarding HIV, AIDs and more were busted. In combination with a talk from FORWARD on women’s sexual and reproductive health, this presented a strong conclusion to the night and it was very informative and contained information which we do are not usually told.

HIV can be passed on, but AIDS cannot. One of the biggest myths busted for me was one regarding HIV. I was really grateful for being educated on the matter as it’s not something I’ve been told about before and admittedly I haven’t looked for the information either. Did you know, if an HIV positive person is being treated they cannot pass the infection on? Even if you’re not positive, you can take PrEP — the pre-exposure medicine, which is to be taken daily and prevents HIV infection. This is taken to treat those who are positive whilst also preventing it in those who may be in contact with someone that is. This was a really significant thing considering how the common sense narrative on HIV is riddled with many assumptions and negative tropes, particularly in regard to the gay community. Black and ethnic minority people are at a far greater risk of the infection, yet this isn’t emphasized very much at all. Often we hear people die from HIV. The reality is that those who leave HIV untreated risk a severe deterioration of their immune system, which leads to AIDS, thus AIDs-related illness, which can lead to death. That being said, early diagnosis and treatment of HIV can prevent this from taking place and often people with HIV actually live longer than the average person as they look after themselves and lead a healthier lifestyle! Since this is prominent among black and ethnic minorities and we are most at risk, it is absolutely paramount that we change this narrative and start educating ourselves and our communities.

This brings me to the next point of discussion, which is super important, particularly for black and ethnic minority women. TAKE YOUR HEALTH SERIOUSLY, EVEN WHEN HEALTH PROFESSIONALS DO NOT. There are a wide array of conditions which minority women are more prone to, from endometriosis to fibroids. Misdiagnosis and outright dismissal by both health professionals and our communities that risk lives can be prevented if we start to make a stand against those that do not take women seriously whilst also educating our communities. The latter, I think, was the most important takeaway from Edem’s talk. Black and ethnic minority women, particularly the older generations, being the warriors they are, often do not take their health concerns as a priority — this needs to change, said a participant. There are so many treatable conditions and avoidable situations which arise from health that goes unchecked. Think about what you can do to help this change take root within your community. Our lives are much too precious to not be cared for properly.

Ultimately, the ‘Red Issue’ event was a truly wonderful space for female empowerment and education. If you happened to miss out I hope this might have been a useful look into what went on. I would highly recommend you watch this space and attend any future events run by FORWARD’s Young Women’s Hub from networking events to financial literacy, this a safe space for you.