Why you should look for failure-tolerant partners

There’s a neat little theory in Psychology called the Level of Aspiration theory, and it is used to explain how humans choose their romantic partners. The Level of Aspiration theory says there are two factors that influence your pick of romantic interests — the desirability of that person and the perceived probability of attaining them. In an Idealistic scenario, you would go for the person with the highest social desirability in a group. However, there are a few people who are desired by all. In such cases, the perceived probability of attaining them is tied to your own level of social desirability. So you will make a more Realistic choice and pick someone of about the same level of social desirability as yourself.

I find this theory fascinating because it also explains how our choice of partners reflects our assessments of our own selves. It explains real-world observations too — if you’re a fitness enthusiast, you’re more likely to pick a partner who is into fitness too; if you’re an actor, you’re more likely to take interest in someone in the show business and so on. Superficial traits are still high on the desirability list. There’s an interesting paper detailing the results of an experiment where the research team ran identical matrimonial ads of a woman who declared to be obese in one set of ads and a drug addict in another. More men responded to her…