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My Twin Flame Died and I’m Still Here
I didn’t believe I could make it this far.
A few years ago, the love of my life died suddenly. I never saw it coming. I’d only met him a few months before it happened.
He seemed to be able to look right into the depths of my soul and his presence made me feel at ease. I felt that I had reached the summit of spiritual wisdom and my weary search for meaning was over. It was beyond romance, as I had found my cosmic best friend — someone who it seemed I had known for thousands of years. He was my twin flame.
When we were together, the darkness was illuminated and I was whole. A new day was dawning in my life that seemed so difficult until then. Anything was possible. And then he was gone. I thought, “What am I supposed to do with my life now?” as a spiritual rug seemed to be pulled out from under my feet. It was like I had died. Nothing after this could ever be that hard. It was a long road back to the light.
I had fallen apart. All of that hopeful, expansive energy I had when I met him had disappeared. I was lost, falling on my knees over and over again in the face of the truth of human existence. I was humbled by the workings of the universe and tried over and over again to bargain with the great intelligence we often call God. Heavy darkness descended upon my life. I didn’t think the rest of my life would have any meaning at all.
I was mad at the universe for a long time. It felt so unfair. The only reason I survived that period of time was because I still felt an obligation to uphold some kind of contract with the universe. I never lost sight of the fact that I am alive for a reason and would not give up until I found out what that reason is. Every day, I tried to navigate the world and align my trajectory with a higher place, even if I could only take a baby step in the right direction.
It’s funny being so connected with higher spiritual realms because often, these abilities don’t ease the pain. It didn’t help that I could communicate with him on the other side any time I wanted. It didn’t help that I knew that death is the end of one story and the beginning of another and that he’s still around. The grief wasn’t lifted by knowing that our souls were “over there” together and always were. I missed him so…
