The Crazy Soccer Mom
I never knew how much my parents sacrificed until I had a kid who played competitive sports. And I am not just talking about the mundane taking kids to practice and games. The sacrifice is not always the time or the amount of money, and trust me it’s a lot of fucking money and a ridiculous amount of time.
It’s a lot more than that. It’s the nervous feeling you get before every game. The pit in your stomach when you are at a soccer game and some little ass hole pushes your kid down, hoping he isn’t hurt, but all your really want to do is stand up and push him over yourself. The amount of composure that you have to try to find every time the ref makes a bad call. Which if you know me doesn’t usually work and the ref is ALWAYS against us when the calls are bad. Trying to find the right words to say after a loss with a kid who walks up to you with his head hanging down in disappointment. And something that my parents had to do to me, that I hated, and now I am thankful for, FORCING your child to go to practice even when they are kicking and screaming that they don’t want to go. This is one of the hardest things to do but a great lesson that sports teach your children. Commitment.
Dylan has played competitive soccer for the last 6 years and I sit here right now writing at a tournament in California while he warms up before his second game of the day. It hasn’t always been as easy as it is today. I have been able to see his skills and love of the game grow so much over time, just like his dad. I can see it in Dan’s eyes when he watches his son play soccer and the amount of pride that exudes through him each and every time. For me, being a stepparent has its many challenges.
Sports, is one of them. I still have to take him to and from practice and I make sure I am at every single game. We make sure that he has the things necessary to succeed and excel in this sport. As a parent I make those sacrifices because I love my stepson. After all these things I still have to sit on the sideline and don’t have the authority to make certain decisions, even when I know what’s best. That is the hardest thing for me. Dan and I are lucky that we have the same goals for our children but it isn’t always easy to co parent with an ex.
We struggled when he first started playing because he really didn’t want to go. Dan and I have always agreed that if one of our kids signs up for a sport and ends up not wanting to continue or they stop enjoying it, they still have to finish off the season. At the end of the season we don’t have to do it again if you still do not want to. Well, his mom doesn’t necessarily agree with that mindset. It got to a point that he wasn’t going to practice on the days he was with his mom that we had to get it court ordered that she had to take him to practice and if she couldn’t, anyone in our family could take him and bring him back. Imagine the money we could save for college instead of court. RIDICULOUS. Having to force your kid to do a sport, or at least to finish the season, is the most exhausting task I have ever had to do and in these times is when I really feel the gratitude towards my parents for making me go no matter what.
After about the first season we asked him, “Are you sure you want to play next season” and his answer since been, yes. Now, we are 6 seasons in and we still ask him that question even though we know he is now committed and already know the answer to that question. We have asked him, “Aren’t you grateful that we made you go to practice now?” And again his answer is always yes. This is OUR confirmation that we are doing what’s right for our kids. That sometimes we, as parents, know what’s best. Ugh I sound like such a mom.
I think that a lot of these obstacles will go away with time and as our children get older they grow out of these things. We used to struggle with Dylan’s commitment, but don’t any more because he this is what he wants to do. And really, soccer is his life. But now we have an 11 and 7 year old who we have to struggle with, which brings on a whole new dynamic. But guess what kids? This isn’t our first rodeo, so you’re going. And eventually, even if it’s not until you’re 30, you will be grateful that we made you go because I know I sure am.
So, when you hear me on the sidelines screaming at the ref, or at my kid, it’s because of all of the things that I have sacrificed, that we have sacrificed as a family. Yeah, you know what, I may sound a little crazy and I may fit into that cookie cutter ‘SOCCER MOM’. And trust me, I never wanted to be that kind of mom, but I love my kids. I love my stepsons. And I am grateful that they have made me appreciate the sacrifice that my parents made for me to learn commitment through my sports. If there is one thing I know that I am doing right it is supporting their goals, wins, achievements and even failures.
Originally published at Two Plus 3.
