It was a a festive night. I was in my grandmother’s house and stood out in the balcony shouting out for my uncle. Mid scream, the air was blown out of my lungs and I fell with a gaping mouth and heard a stranger apologize. He thought I was someone he knew and hated, and had hit me square in my back. I felt a white pain and my vision faded as his retreating feet disappeared in the darkness and blinking lights.
I feel that pain every time I see you, of my life force leaving my core; every time I think I see you, see your golden hair blaze across the street on a cycle, or the fleeting glimpse of the reflected setting sun.
I control my dreams. But I don’t control me. I keep falling into your arms, for hours and hours. The sun creeps in through the window and warms my bedding, warm enough for me to forget the world waiting for me. Warm enough for the heavy folds of the blanket to be your arms.
There is sand in between my toes as I drag my feet across a moonlit beach. The moonlight and the breeze are balmy. Each grain of sand is magnified and softened in to lumps of cotton, upon which I am laying. I can feel your weight though you are lying beside me. I have become larger, I encompass the beach, the sea, the moon. I see you sleeping beside me; lying in the moonlight, upon a sandy beach.
We both stare into the starless darkness of the sky, and the soundless expanse of the wave-less sea. I am the moonlight that falls on your face. I am the shadow that you cast upon the sand. Yet when I turn upon that sand to face you, I can not see you, you are always on the other side, you are always in the shadow. I twist and turn, and twist and turn, and twist and turn.
The sand is black. The sea is black. You are a shadow in the moonlight. I see my face silver against the darkness. I can not see you. You are not there. I call out. I try to. But the air is so still no sound can ever exist. The air presses against my ears with its silence. Like a warm blanket being wrapped around my head.
It is a warm blanket being wrapped around my head. I feel it tug at my throat. I gasp and open my eyes.