Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman

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“It is with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” — Antoine de Saint Exupéry

All emotions are impulses to act.

Continual emotional distress can create deficits in a child’s intellectual abilities, crippling their capacity to learn.

Emotional intelligence: abilities such as being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations; to control impulse and delay gratification; to regulate ones moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think; to empathize and to hope.

People who are emotionally adept — who know and manage their own feelings well, and who read and deal effectively with other people’s feelings — are at an advantage in any domain of life.

Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them.

Intrapersonal intelligence is a capacity to form an accurate model of oneself and to be able to use that model to operate effectively in life.

Self-awareness — recognizing a feeling as it happens — is the keystone of emotional intelligence.

The brain is remarkably plastic, constantly learning.

The key to sounder personal decision making is being attuned to our feelings.

Reframing a situation more positively is one of the most potent ways to put anger to rest.

A strong work ethic translates into higher motivation, zeal, and persistence — an emotional edge.

The more prone to worries a person is, the poorer their performance.

Good moods enhance the ability to think flexibly and with more complexity, making it easier to find solutions to problems, whether intellectually or interpersonal.

Hope is believing you have both the will and the way to accomplish your goals.

Optimism means having a strong expectation that things will turn out all right in life, despite setbacks and frustrations.

It is the combination of reasonable talent and the ability to keep going in the face of defeat that leads to success.

People’s beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities.

Being able to manage emotions in someone else is the core art of handling relationships.

Children learn to do what they see done.

Emotions are contagious.

People who are able to help others soothe their feelings have an especially valued social commodity; they are the souls others turn to when in greatest emotional need.

When two people interact, the direction of mood transfer is from the one who is more forceful in expressing feelings to the one who is more passive.

To love and to work are the twin capacities that mark full maturity.

Boys take pride in tough-minded independence and autonomy, while girls see themselves as part of a web of connectedness.

Men are content to talk about “things,” while women seek emotional connection.

When emotionally upset, people cannot remember, attend, learn, or make decisions clearly.

Stress makes people stupid.

Leadership is not domination, but the art of persuading people to work toward a common goal.

Taking initiative: being self motivated enough to take on responsibilities above and beyond their stated job.

People who are extremely scared do terribly in surgery.

Anger seems to be the one emotion that does most harm to the heart.

Being prone to anger was a stronger predictor of dying young than were other risk factors such as smoking, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol.

Social isolation — the sense that you have nobody with whom you can share your private feelings or have close contact — doubles the chances of sickness or death.

While we cannot decide when we have our emotional outbursts, we can have more control over how long they last.

“The main hope of a nation lies in the proper education of its youth.” — Erasmus

We need to be in control of ourselves — our appetites, our passions — to do right by others.

It takes will to keep emotion under the control of reason.

Being able to put aside ones self-centered focus and impulses has social benefits: it opens the way to empathy, to real listening, to taking another person’s perspective.

Seeing things from another person’s perspective breaks down biased stereotypes, and so breeds tolerance and acceptance of differences.

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