TYML Daily: 1.30.19 — CHICAGO, WTF ARE FROST QUAKES?!
Everyone is talking about Chicago’s weather aka #PolarVortex aka Chipocalypse aka “ohhhh, New York is cold too u guys don’t forget abou — STFU IT’S BARELY FREEZING OVER THERE YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION EVERY GOTDAMN MINUTE.
Ok, let’s get started.
Sunday
Before we could deal with the record freeze in the middle of the week, we had to handle a few inches of snow Sunday night. Ok, fine. What’s a little snow?
WRONG! It only took 4–5 inches of snow to cause major delays and cancel flights at O’Hare! We can do better, Chicago.
Should have brought the OG crew out to handle snow removal.
But this is cute.
However, you didn’t come here for cute snowscapes…
Tuesday
“There’s no other way to put it than that this will truly be dangerous/life-threatening cold.” — NWS Chicago
“Wind chills falling below -40 can cause frostbute on exposed skin in minutes.” — NWSWPC
Are these scary words and pictures driving the point home for you? If not, let’s bring back the true meteorologist of our times, Jim Jones, to warn you about Chicago’s dangerous weather conditions.
The Jim Jones Weather Report
How Cold Is It? Part One
But but but Antarctica is experiencing its summ — NO ONE CARES ALSO ITS FUCKING ANTARCTICA.
How Cold Is It? Part Two
We’re setting train tracks on fire!*
*ok, technically Chicago does this every winter and the tracks themselves aren’t on fire BUT WHATEVER FIRE TRACKS YALL
How Cold Is It? Part Three
How Cold Is It? Part Four
My friend, Blagica Bottigliero, posted this from an Amtrak train car on her way home:
Update: This tweet went viral and was used on CBS local news! Almost freeze to death, but make it fashion.
Also, if you plan on using an Amtrak train to enter or leave Chicago, don’t do that.
How Cold Is It? Part Five
Oh no…
How Cold Is It? Part Six
I mean this HAS to go well.
Nah you know what I WILL NOT STANDBY.
How Cold Is It? Part Seven
All of these examples have been crazy, but nothing compares to the shock I had when my friend, Nick Weldon, sent me a Twitter DM saying “Dude what is going on there?” and this link:
Lol at this headline. Could be frost quakes? First…
WHAT
DO
YOU
MEAN
FROST
QUAKES?
“It sounded like a wrecking ball going through my roof.” — Some woman on YouTube
I wasn’t able to find a recording of an actual frost quake sound 😩😩😩, but if you find anything let me know!
Pour some out for our brothers & sisters in the animal community
This rat couldn’t even make it to the Deep Freeze because it died last week!
Ok, we know it’s cold. But what if you absolutely have to go outside tonight or tomorrow?
Use hot potatoes?
Yes.
“Put baked potatoes in your pockets.” — Former Chicago Tribune health reporter Julie Deardorff
Don’t forget the classic!
Vaseline.
“If I have any exposed skin in this weather, I will cover that in Vaseline to keep it protected.” — Mack Julion, mail carrier
This rest of the article has some more “traditional” tips to stay warm outside:
“WTF WHITE PEOPLE?!” Cold Weather Edition
You knew I couldn’t do this report without featuring my favorite people 😂
Don’t worry, Chicagoans! We have a heat wave on the way!
What are we gonna do when it hits 40 degrees this weekend?
That’s the spirit, Chicago.
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See you tomorrow!
