Millennials Are Killing My Workout — Day 7; 243.5 lbs

As you can see from this picture, I work out vigorously. I took this from the elliptical. I try and keep my speed pretty steady. It hovers on or about 69. I dunno how to measure 69 so let’s say knots. I go about 69 knots. 69 is good speed. Not too strenuous, but a good sweat. A nice speed.

Also, I am a child.

Speaking of children, I went in the gym a little earlier than normal and there was this group of kids, probably late-teens. All of them built like Olympic swimmers and wearing the free t-shirt you get for participating in an AAU event. They had all ripped the sleeves off so they were bare from shoulder to hem.

Biceps and triceps and abs and ripples and veins and it was impressive. I hated them. I hated them because they were being buttholes, screaming at each other and whatnot, but also, they just triggered something in me. I just felt self-conscious again because, man, teenagers just don’t change.

I just thought about how I didn’t change with the other kids in PE or shower because of how just fucked up I was. I looked at my own shirt and I thought it might be nice to cut mine up just so my love handles could breathe.

I took a deep breath, turned Rammstein up a little louder and I took off at 69 knots. Caring about those idiots only lasted a moment. I was surprised at how quickly it wore off.

I finished my workout and after a week I’m down 5 pounds. Next stop, not getting winded when I tie my own shoes!

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