Whoops — Day 13; 241.6 lbs

David Murphy
Aug 22, 2017 · 2 min read

I didn’t write anything yesterday because I didn’t go to the gym. Because…

*Heart Emojis* — Day 14; 239.6 lbs

I started playing hockey again!

I played from when I was 12 until probably 20 almost daily. It was the only sport I was any good at, and modesty aside, I was good. I studied it. Learned the secrets. Learned positioning, footwork and getting inside an opponents head.

It was that last thing that caused me to stop. I didn’t always like who I was on skates. I was tough, but kind of a punk. Hard nosed. Persistent. Temperamental. Because I wasn’t the strongest or fastest, I had to be a pest.

I started playing again in my late 20's. I just wanted to skate with my friends. I didn’t want to be a dick. But as the supposed lower level beer leagues I was playing started to get overrun by people who needed taught respect, I started to get angrier and angrier.

I took 6 years off. Didn’t really even skate. I found out there was a men’s pickup game on Sundays, so I went just to see where I was in my training.

Despite my increasing fitness, I sucked. I couldn’t keep my wind. My feet failed me a bunch. My stick work was trash. I scored an own goal.

I couldn’t stop smiling.

On the floor/ice, I have a swagger and a confidence I don’t carry all of the time. The anger wasn’t there, but the joy was. I missed teaching new guys. I missed having teammates. I missed the sound and I even missed the smell. The next day, as my bag seeped out of my trunk and into the interior of my car, I no longer missed the smell.

It was great. I’m really happy right now. I think I need hockey to feel complete. I needed it when I was at my lowest as a teen and I need it again, even if I just get hints of what I used to be. Love is love no matter how hard or rough it gets and I feel like I’d been depriving myself of one of my true loves.

It’s nice to have that feeling again.

Typed From The Couch

The Blog of Someone Too Stubborn For Actual Therapy

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