Lawful and Permanent

Two years ago I arrived here hoping to be able to stay or, at least, find a way not to return to a Venezuela that had gone from a disaster to a nightmare and is now a living hell and getting worse. Yesterday I received the final document identifying me as a “lawful and permanent” (their phrasing) resident of this country.

If someone had told me that day that it would take me less than two years to reach this permanent (and lawful!) state I wouldn’t have believed them. But from the perspective of the now these two years feel like a very long time… And they say foresight is 20/20!

Last year I wrote a post giving thanks to those who helped me reach that point and listing what I had done during that year. This post has a different feel to it, even if I have more people to thank and I have done more things. The truth is, this year has been one of the worst of my life (and the top three are all in the last five years). Last year I mentioned a song whose chorus was stuck in my head. This year the song is very different. Yes, I’ve been dunked, I’ve been kicked around.

The journey is the reward

We tend to think of time as a road. The Past is where we were, the Present where we are, and the Future where we are going. But we tend to forget that we are walking backwards on this road. We see the Past, but not the Future (No peeking allowed!).

Similarly, we look at life, and business (which are the same thing), as a series of stages and levels. We think we have or will arrive somewhere at some point. We think we are or will be happy or sad or successful or whatever. But that’s only an illusion. As with the Present you are never there, you are constantly changing and shifting from one to another. The stages and destinations are all a lie. Life, like business, is always changing. Change happens all the time, if we don't notice it, it is because we are not paying attention. We fall into this lie because we only see sudden changes and ignore gradual ones. At the end, the glass is filled or emptied one drop at a time, always.

It’s not about a victory or a defeat

Everybody who knows me, knows that I am very far from being an optimist. I tend to look for obstacles and difficulties in order to prevent them, and to avoid useless or impossible purposes. It is precisely that attitude that makes me feel unstoppable. No, I am very far from accomplishing all I wanted, I doubt I’ll ever be, since I keep making new goals. It seems I will never spend one day outside of “The Struggle”

Life is struggle.
— Karl Marx
The Struggle is when you wonder why you started the company in the first place.
The Struggle is when people ask you why you don’t quit and you don’t know the answer.
The Struggle is when your employees think you are lying and you think they may be right.
The Struggle is when food loses its taste.
The Struggle is when you don’t believe you should be CEO of your company.
The Struggle is when you know that you are in over your head and you know that you cannot be replaced.
The Struggle is when everybody thinks you are an idiot, but nobody will fire you.
The Struggle is where self-doubt becomes self-hatred.
The Struggle is when you are having a conversation with someone and you can’t hear a word that they are saying because all you can hear is The Struggle.
The Struggle is when you want the pain to stop.
The Struggle is unhappiness.
The Struggle is when you go on vacation to feel better and you feel worse.
The Struggle is when you are surrounded by people and you are all alone.
The Struggle has no mercy.
The Struggle is the land of broken promises and crushed dreams.
The Struggle is a cold sweat.
The Struggle is where your guts boil so much that you feel like you are going to spit blood.
The Struggle is not failure, but it causes failure. Especially if you are weak. Always if you are weak.
Most people are not strong enough.

I have immense problems that could bury me any minute, but I want to solve them. I have issues I need to work on. Help I need to receive. Help I need to give. And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.