Published inSlackjawYou Just Failed to Unsheathe Excalibur From Its Stone, But I’m Giving You a Pep Talk, Superstar!You may be unworthy of the sword, but you’re certainly worthy of my praiseApr 28, 20221Apr 28, 20221
Published inSlackjawNo Mary Poppins Bullshit Here: I’m The Nanny Who Hates Music And WhimsySince when was nannying supposed to be fun?Jan 18, 20226Jan 18, 20226
Published inSlackjawWe Saw Your Profile On Indeed And Think You’d Be A Great Match For Our Greasy Oaf PositionPlease submit a quick application if you have any interest.Nov 20, 2021Nov 20, 2021
Published inSlackjawAll Your Questions About the Giant Troughs of Chowder at Baseball Games AnsweredAsk me whatever you want… just not to share my chowder!Aug 23, 20211Aug 23, 20211
Published inSlackjawAn Apology For The Best Man Speech I Delivered At Dracula’s Wedding In Which I Referred To Him As…I am not proud of my behavior.Jul 24, 20212Jul 24, 20212
Published inSlackjawTough Luck, Losers: I Just Won The Six Flags Dancing Old Guy’s Fuck a Fan Contest!Better luck next time.Jun 8, 20212Jun 8, 20212
Published inGreener Pastures MagazineRed Alert: A Man Has Fallen into the Mrs. Doubtfire Cage At the ZooHellooooooo lawsuitMay 25, 2021May 25, 2021
Published inSlackjawHelp! I Just Gave Gollum A Coca-Cola And Now He’s Freaking The Fuck Out!What do I do?!Mar 28, 20212Mar 28, 20212
Published inSlackjaw5 Times Buzz Lightyear Took Off His Suit to Reveal He Was a Decaying Man Inches From DeathHe defeated Zurg, but can he beat the sands of time?Oct 1, 20202Oct 1, 20202
Published inSlackjawI’d Let Someone Kill Me & My Family If I Could Have Margaritas With Mark Cuban On Any Of These BoatsThe only “shark attack” I fear is the gut-punch of Mark Cuban not wanting to be friends with me.Jul 26, 20201Jul 26, 20201
