Ten Types of Husbands

During mass one Sunday, the priest talked about the roles men should play in the society from birth till death. The major focus was the roles men play in their families. Hence, his sub-sermon was titled Types of Husbands. Read on.

• Acidic Husbands. These types set the house on fire once they walk in. Fire, fire, fire!!! Well, not literally. But you get it, right? Everyone is scared of what they may do because you really can’t predict. Tick-tock time bomb.
• Bachelor Husbands. This made me chuckle because I have come across some in this category. They are married but still act and live like “bachelors”. Bachelors is in quotes because I believe everyone should be responsible, married or not. However, some believe that bachelors are largely irresponsible and reckless and should suddenly grow up when they get married. It’s in this context that this category is described. Hmph!
• Slave Husbands. Those in this category treat their wives and children as slaves instead of family. Example? Nobody eats in the house till daddy has finished eating his food and when they do so, they eat in the kitchen. I think this has a semblance with acidic husbands. Okay, maybe the acidic husbands are extreme.
• General Husbands. If you are a Nigerian, this should sound familiar: “I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody”. (Nobody should call my name, please. I have a headache.) General husbands are the types that are the “jolly good fellow” outside — everybody’s husband and father — but not available for the family.
• Dry Husbands. No need for further explanations, right? The stingy husbands fall in this category. They rather die than provide. No, really. The economy is always bad. Times are always hard.
• Panadol Husbands. Panadol is one of the most popular pain relievers, in Nigeria at least. When do you take panadol? When you have aches and pains. Therefore, husbands in this category believe that all they exist for is to solve problems. Besides problem solving, they are not interested in family bonding and the likes.
• Parasite Husbands. These live off their wives. Most times, they marry their wives because she is from a wealthy family. The wife provides everything — rent, school fees, feeding and so on. Does this sound like a certain mister in Tyler Perry’s movie, Acrimony? Hmmm.
• Baby Husbands. These ones are very attached to their mothers and have refused to grow up. No decision is taken without his mother’s approval. I can imagine how frustrating this can be.
• Visiting Husbands. Oh well. This category of husbands are hardly around. They are always traveling for one meeting or one presentation. Always on the move at the risk of being unknown by his kids.
• Caring Husbands. This category of husbands know their roles in the family and society at large. They correct, provide, bond with the family, solve problems when they arise and so on. This category is where husbands should aspire to be.

It is interesting to mention that women were very expressive when the priest talked about the baby, parasite and dry husbands. I wonder what that means.

What do you think of this list? Is it accurate? Does the same apply to wives?