Here’s how UCI students responded to the Netflix show “You”
Written by Annsophie Oh, Marketing Intern
“It’s not love. It’s power and control, obsession and manipulation.”
“YOU” is a Netflix original TV show that focuses on the main character, Joe Goldberg, someone who will go to extreme lengths for the girl he “loves.”
He stalks his love interest(s), keeps people in confined, isolated spaces and even kills her friends or anyone else that poses threat to their relationship in order to maintain the relationship.
In light of stalking awareness, a survey was sent out and taken by students about their perspective on the show “YOU” and stalking.
Here’s what they have to say:
“Having been stalked/in an abusive relationship, I had to stop watching mid season one.. but based on those episodes, it was clear to me that Joe wasn’t really interested in finding real love, as love doesn’t involve stalking, murder, and manipulation.. “love” is just Joe’s excuse to make himself feel better about being such a possessive creep.”
There’s a line and he crossed it
“I think that he is under the impression that is what he is doing, but intention doesn’t necessarily translate through his actions. I think he has an unhealthy perception of what love is supposed to be like, so to me personally it’s more about how he has come to have this distorted perception of love rather than what he does for it.”
This show is not about how far Joe is willing to go for love because at this point it isn’t “love.” It is stalking. Love is not invading your partner’s privacy.
Here’s an interview with UCI CARE’s Marketing and Communications Specialist, Nhi Nguyen & Director, Mandy Mount.
This is what they have to say:
What are your thoughts about the show “YOU”? First impressions?
Nhi: I thought it was creepy. I started thinking about my own social media accounts and how they are public, questioning all the people that follow me and wondering if there is anyone like him because there are weirdos like him.
Mandy: I think it’s a show that has the potential to be valuable in our conversations about sexual violence and stalking but also has the potential to be misunderstood like many shows and movies are. Stalking is romanticized in some films and shows and that can be very dangerous.
How does the show relate to the work we do here at the CARE office?
Nhi: We work really closely with individuals that have experienced forms of stalking so when we think of the show, we wonder how it is being portrayed, and how we can prevent those things from happening because for some, it is a reality. In my specific role, you see stalking a lot of the times as a portrayal of love so in marketing and content creating, we want to have a conversation about whether it is love or something else.
Mandy: It has the ability to impact the way that people understand their own experiences of dating violence and stalking and also the way that the community identifies and recognizes what is happening in other people’s lives. I think it ends up promoting conversations to raise awareness which directly leads to a utilization of our services. It also provides a way for educators to shine light on what is happening around us using media.
As a practitioner, what are things that viewers should be mindful of when watching “YOU”?
Mandy: I think being mindful of putting themselves first, particularly if any of the content is upsetting or triggering. They can watch at their own pace if they want to and they don’t have to view anything that is not helpful for them because they deserve that kind of care.
The main actor Penn Badgley, who plays the role of Joe Goldberg stated in an interview that the show is intended to shine light on stalking, and how far society is willing to go to forgive a White man. However, some people are actually responding positively to the character Joe, saying that he is just “willing to do anything for love.”
Do you think that the show representing stalking in such a dramatic way is harmful or beneficial for advocacy work?
Nhi: I feel like I can see both sides to it. We do think it is creepy and problematic but I have mixed feelings about the show. It is not enough to put it in a show, you have to have conversations about it with people that experience it, people that support others through it and those that think this behavior is okay. There are a lot of people out there that do not think it will happen to them and it does not hit home for many. We experience it because we work here and hear about it all the time but others see it as a crazy, unrealistic thing.
Mandy: It depends on the conversation that people are having about it. If they are willing to engage in critical dialogues about the issues that are highlighted in the show, then it can be helpful. Stalking is an issue that is often overlooked or joked about. People make a lot of jokes about social media stalking and every Valentine’s Day, there are inevitably jokes about stalking. It’s especially important and impactful when members of the show speak on the portrayal of their characters and how these issues impact real people’s lives.
The show, “YOU” shines light on the fact that crazy stalkers do not always look a certain way. It is beneficial for advocacy work because stalking is not usually shown in film and television the way dating and domestic violence and sexual assault are.
Many accept those as bad things but stalking is more of a fine line. Others may see it as a romantic gesture as often portrayed in film and television but it is important to realize that stalking is a dangerous reality for some.
