How to be an Online Dating Pro!
According to a Stanford study on dating, meeting a significant other online has replaced meeting through friends, family, or common organizations in person. The utilization of online dating apps has increased, the stigma of meeting online has worn off, and the internet’s effect on society has included the ways to begin social interactions. While dating apps can be a great way to meet new people, just like in-person dating, not everyone has good intentions. Below I will outline some tips on how to keep you and your date comfortable using online apps.
Keep Things Safe. Typically people who have bad intentions will try to immediately move the conversation off of the dating app platform to a different form, such as phone, email, or in real life. Keep conversations on the app until you feel like you know the person and avoid sharing contact and/or location information on your profile. Due to current events, people are utilizing video chatting platforms to meet each other in person. Remember to verify your date is who they say they are before you give them your personal phone number or move the conversation to another social media platform. In response, some dating apps, such as the League, Plenty of Fish, and Bumble, are adding video chat features to their apps. If you are utilizing Zoom Meetings to have dates, remember that you can utilize the virtual backgrounds if you would like to keep any personal information in your home or area a secret until you get to know the person further. When you cannot utilize a virtual background, remembering that you can utilize a wall or empty space behind you. When you decide to meet in person, do so in a public place and arrange for your own transportation, whether that is a bus, rideshare, driving yourself, etc.
Make Sure to Communicate. Remember meeting up, in person or virtually, does not necessarily mean hooking up. Make sure you talk about your expectations of what you will do when you are together, listen and learn from your date about what they are comfortable with by asking questions and checking in, and communicate when you do and do not feel comfortable. Consent is ongoing and can be revoked at any time. Additionally, if you notice that something seems off, with your own date or a friend’s date, remember to say something and be an active bystander. This can be by directly getting involved, delegating to someone else, or distracting from the situation with something else. Read more about how to be an active bystander here.
Have a Plan. When we are meeting up with someone new, it is important that we are sharing information with someone we trust. Share your rideshare information, location, and/or date plans with someone you trust. If you are concerned throughout the date, having someone call and check-in at certain times may provide a space for you to express concerns throughout the time you are meeting someone new. Remember to carry emergency cash and a phone charger in case you may need it. For Uber and Lyft, how to share your ride information is linked.
Look Out for Red Flags. If someone is avoiding questions or pushing for a serious relationship without meeting or getting to know you first, it could be a sign of breaking boundaries or bad intentions. If you feel uncomfortable, stop the conversation. If you see any suspicious and offensive behavior, such as requests for money, underage users, harassment, harmful behavior, fraudulent profiles, etc., report them through the app or to the police.
Verification processes vary by app. Remember to report suspicious activity that you see on any and all apps, to trust your gut if you are concerned about the true identity of someone, and that all apps will have how they verify their users in their settings or FAQ section of their apps. Most dating sites and apps do not screen against sex offender registries or conduct background checks.
Regardless of how you conduct yourself online, sexual assault and violence is never the survivor’s fault. If you or someone you know is affected by power-based personal violence, remember that there are resources available at the UCI CARE Office. You can contact us by email at care@uci.edu or by phone at 949–824–7273.
