How Language Affects Women And Leadership
Does the language we use affect the way we think? There’s been a lot of research done on the effect the language we speak has on our world view or perceptions. Edward Sapir, one of the most influential American linguists, wrote: “The worlds in which different societies live are distinct worlds, not merely the same worlds with different labels attached” (Sapir, 1949: 162). He was basically saying, the world might be perceived differently by people speaking different languages. If there’s a word for it, it exists, if there isn’t one, it doesn’t.
Regardless of the language spoken though, there are distinct phrases or patterns of speech we use that affect our perceptions of the world and of ourselves. I am saddened by the way ladies oftentimes describe any business venture they might be pursuing as a “ka business” or diminish it to a small side hustle while men will talk about theirs with a lot of gusto and enthusiasm or describe them as “huge deals they are chasing.” While they both give nothing away about the nature of business they are pursuing, the latter inspires more authority.
According to Devin Hibbard, CEO of Bead for Life and Street Business School — an entrepreneurial training program that helps women living in poverty to start their own small businesses, we are all subconsciously taught that women are more likeable if we are humble or quieter and less ambitious. From a very early age we learn to share any credit or glory with someone else. It makes it harder for us to stand up and say “I know something,” “I have a solution,” “You should listen to me,” “You should fund me.”
“However, I don’t think the solution to this is for women to become more like men,” Devin said.
A Mckinsey study recently published showed that companies with women in senior leadership did better financially. This is because men and women have different strengths. Men have a command and control attitude that is useful in crisis situations while women have a more collaborative work style where they get people with different opinions and voices to create processes that lead to stronger outcomes over time. The combination of the two is good for the performance of businesses.
“So having women speak up and be in leadership positions isn’t just a nice thing to do, it also has financial returns to businesses.”
Why then, do women use language that downplays their achievement or success? More often than not, we will begin our sentences with phrases like “I’m probably wrong, but…” or apologize for our own opinions. Here are a few thoughts Devin had on the subject.
Impostor Syndrome
Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent fear of being exposed as a “fraud.”
“It is a sense of who belongs,” Devin said, “When you’re talking about business, there’s this perception that men belong there and women don’t.”
Devin started Bead for Life 14 years ago and struggled with seeing herself as an entrepreneur for a long time. She attributed her success to luck, a classic example of the impostor syndrome.
It is the belief that, despite your many accomplishments, you are inadequate and any success you have achieved is a fluke. While both men and women fall victim to this, it particularly resonates with women because of the belief that certain spaces belong to men and not women. We have all heard successful women being accused of only achieving their success because of some form of preferential treatment. When this way of thinking is internalized by women, they feel the need to prove themselves and their abilities more than men do. In addition, they feel like they don’t belong when they succeed or get into positions of authority. This can manifest in the language we use to describe our businesses or our accomplishments. It will also show up when expressing our opinions. Oftentimes women say things like “This is probably a bad idea, but…” or “I’m sorry for saying this, but…”
Not only will such statements not inspire confidence in the person listening to you, but they also subconsciously have an effect on the way we perceive ourselves and our abilities.
How to deal with this.
One of the best ways to combat feeling like a fraud or low self confidence is through the words and language we use.
“There are things you can say that make you sound more confident without sounding arrogant,” she said.
For instance, Devin can say, “In my fourteen years of experience, I have seen…” By saying this, she is reminding people of the fact that she has fourteen years of experience and isn’t bragging or stating something that isn’t true. She is using it to explain why she believes a certain fact to be true.
“A lot of it is just being brave enough to say it the first time,” she said, “I think of it like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.”
It is all about practice. Even being able to speak out without apologizing first is a matter of practice. Devin can now make reference to her years of experience because she consciously learned how to say it over the course of fourteen years.
“I really believe in faking it until you make it,” Devin added, “I never feel like I know 100%. But I have learned that neither does everyone else. There is no reason for me to wait until I know 100% because nobody else is. So I need to go out there and say what I know and believe. However, don’t over state it. I believe in under promising and over delivering always.”
It might feel unnatural for you to use statements like “I am confident that…” so practice what it sounds like coming off your tongue until you build that muscle. It is really helpful to sit in front of your mirror and practice saying these more positive phrases.
Earlier this year, Devin was offered a work opportunity she turned down because she realized that she really was an entrepreneur. It took this experience for her to come to this realization.
“I have been an entrepreneur for fourteen years without really claiming the label,” she said.
It takes a while for us to unlearn speech patterns and phrases that are harmful to us, but it is possible. For Devin, the last four years have been instrumental for her. She has practiced more positive phrases, gotten out of her comfort zone and over the fear of failure.
“Women often place a lot of meaning on what happens if they fail once or fail publicly,” she said, “partly because — at least for me, it is both a fear of letting people down and wanting to be liked.”
The desire to be liked and the fear of being wrong or failing are among the reasons many women will refrain from speaking up and diminish their opinions when they do. We don’t want to offend anyone or are afraid of being wrong and what that will look like. The realization that it was okay for some people not to like her was very freeing to Devin.
“I still would prefer that people like me, but it’s not the thing that motivates me most.”
While the language we use can act as a catalyst for low self confidence, it can also be used to affirm ourselves first and exude confidence to the people we interact with.
So, ladies, what kind of language are you using?
*We are indebted to Devin for sharing her thoughts on this!
