May 8, 2019
‘That’s a good question…’
While it may be true, it is better left unsaid
By Mark Long, director of incubation services at the University of Florida
STOP USING THIS PHRASE! Really. Stop using it. When people ask questions, do not say to them, “That’s a really good question!”
Why? Mostly because you don’t mean it. What you really mean is something like, “Wow. I hadn’t expected that question.” Or you’re flattering someone so you can sell an idea or product or yourself with your answer.
EVERY question is a good question — well, usually. Yes, I realize that some questions posed may seem to be silly, irrelevant or just plain dumb, but telling people “that’s a good question” is insulting.
First off, even if a question seems dumb or irrelevant or silly, it’s possible the person is asking the question because he or she doesn’t understand you, or your purpose, or your statement.
Some people even preface their inquiry with, “Well, this is probably a dumb question, but…”
To those questioners, I say, “No, no, no!”
Don’t ever apologize for asking a sincere question! If you’re not getting the message, then it’s never stupid to ask for clarification. You’re asking an important question, and you need a concise and appropriate answer so you and the speaker are on the “same page.”
As a speaker — whether I’m in front of 500 people or just in conversation one on one — it’s my obligation to make certain you know what I’m talking about; it’s your obligation, as a listener, to seek clarification at points when you DON’T understand.
And it’s easy to be misunderstood.
Searching for PNL
One time I gave a lecture on “starting your own business.” Days later, a confused participant confronted me about the term “PNL.”
“I’ve searched and searched for ‘PNL’ with no logical results,” the participant said.
PNL? I had mentioned “P AND L” — profit and loss. The person heard “PNL.” The person’s unfamiliarity with business terms and business finance had caused confusion.
To be fair (to myself), I had provided handouts with the terms defined in them. I assume this individual either did not get or did not take one of the handouts. Regardless, I was happy to clarify the exact term and to provide a definition.
In this particular example, was it my “fault” the listener did not understand or was it the person’s “fault” because I, the speaker, did not enunciate (I love that word) properly? It doesn’t matter. What matters is that the listener was smart enough to ask, and I was eager enough to clarify in my answer.
Respond when you have the answer
So why do I have a problem with saying “That’s a really good question” in response to a listener’s question?
Most of the time, speakers say that to stall for time while they search their memory banks for an answer.
Believe me when I say that I understand why speakers say that. At my age, my memory banks are on an 8-track tape (or a reel-to-reel tape), and they’re full. They also tend to repeat at random. Therefore, “That’s a really good question” likely doesn’t buy me enough time to go through my memory banks.
I have learned to “think first, talk later” as well. (Well, yes, it did take me a long time to learn it, thank you very much, and you sound a heckuva lot like my wife.)
“Act in haste, repent at leisure” is the old quote that reminds us “A hasty judgment is the first step toward recantation” (Publilius Syrus). (David Foster Wallace said, “The ‘Act in haste, repent at leisure’ quote seems especially appropriate for tattoos” — but I digress.)
My great-grandmother said it best: “You were given two ears and one mouth, so listen twice as much as you speak.”
Now that’s something we can understand.
When you are in a conversation, listen, REALLY listen. Focus on your speaker (whether you’re in a one-on-one conversation or in a large audience); look him or her in the eye, and don’t interrupt (unless you need to/have to, because the person isn’t getting to the point, etc.). Don’t glance at your phone or your watch. Don’t interject meaningless comments. Pay attention.
If you’re the speaker, read your audience (again, be it one person or a hundred). If they look confused, clarify. When you stop for questions, listen to the questions — and don’t respond to them with “That’s a good question” (even though it is, of course). “That’s a good question” is not a good answer.
Instead, listen, REALLY listen to the question — even if the way it’s worded stings or the person has misconstrued your meaning or somehow twisted what you intended. Don’t yammer and stall or use a bunch of filler “uhh, uhh…” and the like while you think. Just pause. Ask clarification questions, if you need to. And it’s definitely OK to state, “You know, I’m going to need a little time to digest this and mull it over; is it OK to get back to you ________________ (tomorrow, next week, etc.)?”
You’ll gain respect, you’ll get better insight, and you’ll be better prepared to give an awesome response.
To summarize: Listen first, retort later. And don’t say, “That’s a good question”!
Remember the “two ears, one mouth” concept, and strive to listen twice as much as you speak. It was good advice back in the early 1900s, and it’s more pertinent than ever.
Thanks for listening! Any questions? :-).
Originally published at http://incubatorblogger.wordpress.com on May 8, 2019.
