The Blessings She Held

A Mothers Letter to Her Daughter

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

(In the name of God the Merciful the Mercy Giving)

I remember when she would lie in my lap, her big beautiful, curious deep brown eyes locked in place with mine and she would ask me the most wonderful questions. The ones that made us think. The ones that made us smile. Once she asked me why did I love her. And every time I tried to explain it, I couldn’t help but smile. Smiling so big that I could no longer speak. The thoughts that were going through my mind. I couldn’t help it. And I couldn’t wait until the day she could be in my place, with me sitting beside her. My smile made her giggle and it only deepened her curiosity. So I answered her. I told her everything.

“That day, I found out that God blessed us with you, I couldn’t help but to smile. He trusted us enough to give us such a blessing as you. A tiny little life growing inside of my womb. 40 days by 40 days. So fragile. Our first little lamb.

I remember the first time I actually felt you moving, the first time he could felt you kick. We would sit drinking tea and reciting God’s words to you. The sleepless nights – giving me the opportunity to pray those night prayers that I used to miss.

When we found out you were a girl instantly I knew what to name you, Nusaybah. The beautiful woman who cared about the Prophet ﷺ (peace upon him) more than her family and more than herself. The amazing woman who was not afraid to stand firm in the face of injustice, fighting against disbelief. The strong woman who was a nurse when it was the time, she was a wife and a mother when it was time and she took her sword in hand and defended the Prophet ﷺ (peace and blessings upon him) when it was the time. The brave woman who encouraged her son to go to talk to the disbelievers about Islam although she knew that he could be hurt, and he was hurt. She was patient, she was beautiful, and I would often dream of the days that I could see bits and pieces of her example in you – the days that I would see my countless prayers come alive in your eyes and radiate from your heart. I couldn’t help but to love you.

When you entered into this world and I first saw your eyes and I witnessed your first gasp of breath and I heard your first cry, when I saw your first smile. When he recited the call to prayer in your ear. That was the first smile the two of you shared. When we went home from the hospital, you would often wake me up in the middle of the night — giving me the opportunity to hold you and feed you and comfort you. The opportunity to reflect on this life, our purpose here and to recite the Qur’an to you and pray for you in the depths of the night.

Sometimes you would make it so difficult to do the most basic things – such as pray or clean or cook and it would make me reflect on the reality of hardship and ease coming in a cycle and the mercy of God. As you grew older we heard your first word. We saw your first step. We would sit and read God’s glorious Book together. We would sit and remember God together. We would go out and watch the sky and enjoy the sunshine pouring down. We would sometimes chase the ducks and try to catch the frogs. We would play in the sand and splash in the water and you would ask me ‘why’ one hundred times about every little thing and I would never let your questions go unanswered.

I would reflect on the days that you would pour your heart into mine and the days you would tell me that I don’t understand – and I would admit that maybe I don’t but I am always there for you and perhaps I could still help you figure it out. I would always remind you that you are intelligent, kind and beautiful. In that order. From the day that God blessed us with you to the day you return to Him. Day by day – growing more intelligent, more kind, more beautiful. I would think of you growing into an amazing young lady. Teaching you how to be an amazing young lady. Holding your hand as you learn to fly. As you transform into the most beautiful butterfly that I would ever see.

When I reflected on all of that and I reflected on how many things were missed in my reflection. It was all so clear, you are a blessing from God– in so many ways. It’s almost like seeing Paradise in your eyes and hearing paradise in your laugh…. How could I not love you?”

The whole time, she never let go of my eyes. Just as I finished, the sun was setting, a smile spread across her face as she snuggled in a little more, still trying to digest all that I had just told her. As she began to close her eyes, and drift off off to sleep, she whispered “I love you.”