Bold, Brave & Beautiful: 5 Lessons We Learned From Selena’s Documentary, ‘My Mind & Me.’
Jasmine Gray
Trigger warning — this piece discusses mental illness.
After its Nov 4 release, we have had the privilege to see Selena Gomez in ways more intimate, heart-wrenching, and honest than ever before. My Mind & Me was six years in the making, and lays bare Selena’s personal life, refusing to shy away from her rawest struggles. Staying true to her opening dialogue, she made a promise to only tell “my darkest secrets”, and we are arguably all the better for it.
Directed by Alek Keshishian, this documentary has already garnered huge praise and success from big names like Rolling Stone, and Wall Street Journal. But perhaps more importantly, this work has been so significantly received by the general public, both by the fans and the unfamiliar alike. In the spirit of this impact, we are here to offer five of the endless heartfelt lessons has to offer (spoilers ahead).
Ironically, the Wizards of Waverly Place theme song rings true here. Appearance versus reality is a huge theme in this film. The documentary opens with footage of the final rehearsals for Selena’s 2016 world tour. On stage, her team are blown away by Selena’s performance, with everyone from her best friends to her record label head celebrating — but behind the scenes it’s a different story. Selena tearfully confesses and profusely apologises for her perceived failings. The self-detriment is palpably raw, and unsurprisingly was invisible to the public eye as she performed 55 shows to hundreds of thousands of adoring fans, with all the glamour and finesse of pop stardom, before cancelling the rest of the tour dates on account of her deteriorating mental health.
The concept of invisible struggles and facades go beyond the relationship between celebrities and the public, and can be internalised also. Selena’s new single (which shares the documentary title, and accompanied its release), also acknowledges how her battles are a constant fight of something that “eyes can’t see”. Here, Selena painfully confesses that not only are mental health struggles easily masked in the public eye, they can also be incredibly difficult to grasp on a personal level.
Selena emphasised on countless occasions how grateful she is for her family and close friends. “What made me happy was connection”, she says. In the midst of all of the pressures, career moves and internal storms, she is profoundly honest in understanding how human connection is what fulfils and sustains her.
We see Selena return home to Grand Prairie, Texas many times throughout the film. Drive-thru sweet tea with her cousin, her childhood crushes etched on the closet wall, the neighbours and school friends who still live on the same street. In it’s clear that honouring your roots and finding comfort in the simple and familiar are hugely important to her. “Everytime I go home I go to the places I remember”, Selena says. “Because I don’t want to lose that part of me.”
Even in emerging from her most difficult struggles, Selena admirably sought to find a way to bring the light of connection to the darker moments. In acknowledging her battle with Lupus and severe mental health experiences, she understands that now she “can relate to these people” and that “everything happens for a reason”.
Later in the documentary we see Selena interviewing Dr. Vivek Murthy, for World Mental Health Day 2020. The dialogue between the two affirms how whether you find support from friends, whānau, colleagues or strangers, “what really matters is the quality of connections that we have”, and that the journey to connect more deeply is not to transform into someone else, but rather “to return intrinsically to who we are.” Selena responds to Vivek’s wisdom oh so appropriately with “…..mic drop”.
Throughout the film, it is painfully confronting to observe the inhuman pressures that those in the public eye face when living out their day-to-day lives. Continuous sequences of Selena soldiering through a sea of flashing cameras, violated personal space and incoherent yelling convey the overwhelming pressure and chaos that erupts constantly.
“ Justin has a new girlfriend!”, “ Justin is engaged!”, “ How are you feeling?”, “ Are you jealous?”, “ Are you depressed? “
Selena vulnerably shares her anger and issues regarding her interactions with the media openly, as recently as the 2020 timeline in this film. Even in interviews and during promo, where you might think Selena is given more of an opportunity to voice her own narrative, she still feels “like a product”. “She didn’t even pay attention to what I was It’s devastating to watch Selena be passed around international studios and sets as a commodity, without being seen for being a human. These moments show how the smaller glimpses into celebrity we are shown through various interviews are represented as fragmented insights, but in reality they accumulate massively into one person’s lived experience, and have a huge potential to harm and demean the person at the centre of it all.
Selena emphasises that for her, when facing overwhelming or scary realities, knowledge is power: “The more you learn about it, the less you’re going to be afraid of it.” Reminiscing on the books her mother gave her in childhood to help her overcome her fear of thunderstorms, Selena explains how gaining a deeper understanding of the challenges you are facing allows for an empowering demystification. Learning more about her mental and physical illnesses was admittedly crucial in Sel’s ability to overcome the paralysis of fear in order to face her reality head-on, and take action to get better. While some may prefer an ‘ignorance is bliss’ approach to dispelling anxieties, there is definitely something to be said for knowledge revealing an understanding of self and fostering uncomfortably productive growth and healing.
We often hear ‘it’s okay not to be okay’ — which is true. But it’s also okay to be everything at once, and we are all valid in feeling a little bit of everything at the same time. We are not valid in our struggles and deserving of support only in times when things are ‘worse’ than usual.
A huge takeaway from is the understanding that we all have an ongoing relationship with our mental health, throughout our entire lives. Opening up about her experience with Bipolar disorder, Selena candidly recognises how “it’s (always) going to be there. I’m just making it my friend now.” This documentary offers powerful commentary on acknowledging and walking with yourself and your past, recognising our lows as integral to who we are. Selena is showing us that moments battling severe mental health struggles aren’t something we should be forced to disown in recovery, but something we express self-compassion towards, rather than shame. Something we honour in our journeys, rather than try our best to run the furthest away from.
In February 2022, she co-launched Wondermind, a website focused on providing de-stigmatising mental health education and resources. In May 2022, Selena and the Rare Impact Fund hosted the first ever Youth Action Forum on Mental Health at the White House, to discuss with President Biden the need to create mental health curriculums across all school levels throughout the US. The 2021 Social Impact Report for Selena’s Rare Impact Fund has also recently been released. There is no doubt we will continue to see Selena’s courage and powerful truths be a guiding light for so many.
My Mind & Me is now available to stream on Apple TV+.
Originally published at https://umusic.co.nz on November 6, 2022.
