I Wrote a Love Letter and Got Hate Mail in Return
Will Gays and Christians ever have healthy conversations?
Names and some details changed to protect anonymity
I recently read an article about a gay man who wanted to volunteer through an evangelical Christian organization. This organization requires all applicants to agree to their statement of faith. This man, who I will call Russel, took these excerpts from the statement of faith:
We believe … God created man and woman as unique biological persons made to complete each other. God instituted monogamous marriage between male and female … as the the basic structure of human society. For this reason, we believe that marriage is exclusively the union of one genetic male and one genetic female.
Furthermore, we believe that God will reward the righteous with eternal life in heaven, and that He will banish the unrighteous to everlasting punishment in hell.
His article described how he intentionally deceived the organization trying to get around the statement of faith. At the end of the article, he asked supporters of the organization to consider his situation.
The following is the response I wrote with discussion interspersed. I will take each excerpt from the statement of faith in turn.
My Response to One Man, One Woman: Pt. 1
I have thought long and hard about this response. The only reason I choose to respond is because you asked specifically to hear from someone who supports [this organization]. I will do my utmost to convey my compassion for your situation and uphold what I believe. You may find the two positions contradictory. You may not like what I write. I hope you know, based on our previous interaction, I write from a place of love.
I know you’ve denounced [a specific Christian leader] in the past for hate speech against gays. I don’t want to address him or your thoughts about him specifically in this response. I only want to respond to what you wrote about the statement of faith. I have a comment about Mr. [No Name], but will reserve it until the end.
First, I will address the bit about marriage between a man and a woman. According to the Bible, marriage was instituted by God. Marriage is not a civil right.
Let me stop here. And, please, I beg you to continue reading. I don’t want the chasm dividing our nation to widen.
Russel told me he stopped reading after the last sentence cited in this excerpt of the letter, “Marriage is not a civil right.” I see why he stopped. He took my statement as an indictment against his Constitutional freedoms.
I think we need to clarify some facts before moving forward. Civil rights are defined “the rights of citizens to political and social freedom and equality.”
The phrase “according to the Bible” indicates that I was writing about biblical law, not civil law. If people ascribe to the belief that GOD (not the Government) defines marriage, then marriage is not a civil right, meaning it is not a social or political freedom. Marriage is a sacrament, a religious institution, created and ordained by God.
We could go off on a tangent and have a really robust discussion about separation of church and state, but we can save that beast for another time.
Clearly, I didn’t think about how my words could be misconstrued. I write with honesty and dedication to the precise meaning of words. To be fair, I’m not a gay man and I’m a little on the naive side. I tend to believe people want to talk about issues. To see other points of view.
My Response to One Man, One Woman: Pt. 2
Here’s the next part of my response:
It [marriage] was created as a sacrament that honors God and His creation. Historical evidence depicts a very different picture of marriage — property rights, political gain, etc. Since our subject is a statement of faith, we will stick with God’s plan for marriage, which was none of the things it became through history. Men and women, by God’s design, complement each other, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Biblical marriage is one man and one woman, not as a means of discrimination, but as a means of joy, completion, and procreation. God’s command to Adam and Eve was “to be fruitful and multiply.” Babies still require male and female DNA to come into being, because God planned it that way. God is a God of order.
Marriage outside the parameters of the Bible are regulated (if that’s the right word) by the government. Men can marry men. Women can marry women. That is civil law. We won’t go into the theology of where and how civil and biblical law overlap. That’s not the question here. [The organization] bases it’s statement of faith on the Bible and they adhere to the biblical definition of marriage. That’s their choice and one that is protected by the Constitution. To be fair, the very first statement on the statement of faith is: 1. We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God revealing the love of God to the world. 1 Thessalonians 2:13; 2 Timothy 3:15–17; John 3:16.
Unfortunately, Russel stopped short of getting this far.
The hate mail I received hurt. That’s all I will say about that.
My Response to the Unrighteous going to Hell
The next portion of my letter addresses the second excerpt Russel cited from the statement of faith. He wrote the statement of faith condemns gays to hell.
The second part of the statement of faith you highlighted says that all unrighteous will be banished to Hell. Let’s look at the full context of their statement: 4. We believe that all men [sic] everywhere are lost and face the judgment of God, that Jesus Christ is the only way of salvation, and that for the salvation of lost and sinful man [sic], repentance of sin and faith in Jesus Christ results in regeneration by the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, we believe that God will reward the righteous with eternal life in heaven, and that He will banish the unrighteous to everlasting punishment in hell. Luke 24:46–47; John 14:6; Acts 4:12; Romans 3:23; 2 Corinthians 5:10–11; Ephesians 1:7 and 2:8–9; Titus 3:4–7.
Personally, I’m a bit put off that their statement just says “men/man.” The Bible is very clear about saying people. Every one of the verses cited apply equally to all people. I’m trying to keep my personal opinion out of this response and will not comment on the language they use. My opinion goes toward the comments I will make later about Mr. [No Name’s] presentation of Christianity. Nevertheless, the point here is that all people need Christ. Let’s look at Romans 3:23 in context:
20 Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.
21 But now apart from the law the righteousness of God has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. [the reference here is to Jesus who was prophesied in the Old Testament, known as the Law and Prophets.]
22 This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile,
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
These verses come from the New International Version Bible translation with my emphasis added in bold and italics. The truth is no one is righteous — none of us. God defines sin. Not people. Only people make a big deal out of what the sin is. But, God is holy, set apart. He cannot be in the presence of any sin. We could argue ad nauseum about whether being gay is a sin. From the perspective of equality and societal normalization, I know how important this issue is to you. From the perspective of salvation, though, we commit so many sins everyday we can’t possibly name them all. Whether being gay is a sin becomes moot, because gay, straight, and everything else NONE OF US IS RIGHTEOUS. Full-stop.
You claim that the statement of faith condemns gays to hell. Those words are not there. I know why you draw that conclusion. I’m just sticking to the black and white here. Again, the Bible teaches if we did not have Jesus Christ we’d all go to hell, which means eternal separation from God. He doesn’t want us separated and sent Jesus to take that punishment. When God looks at Christ-followers, He doesn’t see our sins because Christ took them for us when He went to the cross.
Read the last paragraph again, especially the part in bold. I’ll just leave this part there.
The Hardest Part of My Letter
Russel wrote he was rejected by the evangelical organization. He went to great lengths to get around the statement of faith in which he did not believe. And, I called him on it. Why am I sharing it with you when he didn’t read it himself?
Many groups lash out against evangelical Christians with vitriol and put all people with a Christian label into the same bucket of haters. Not everyone who is an evangelical Christian spews hate.
I’m sharing this letter with you, because I want us, people, human beings to see we all have our hot buttons. We cannot advance as a community without setting aside hate, cruelty, and demonizing generalizations. And, both sides are guilty of it. BOTH. SIDES.
The end of his article claims rejection for being gay. He asked for supporters of this specific organization to consider his story. He essentially invited evangelical Christians to comment. And, I did.
I did exactly as he asked and thoughtfully considered the story. For a week.
After addressing his comments about the statement of faith, I wrote this part:
Now comes the hardest part to write. Russel, I truly believe (if you’ve read this far) that if you and I sat down and had coffee together, we’d be friends. We’d enjoy each other’s company, and somehow, we’d put our different beliefs aside and just have coffee. I think we could even have some healthy conversations about our contrasting opinions. I also believe that you would know I love you no matter what. And, I write this next part with tears in my eyes.
[The Christian Organization] did not reject you. You rejected them.
You want to help. You want purpose. You have skills and talents this horrible plight on our society needs.
You don’t believe their statement of faith. You reject it — starting with the very first statement about the inspiration and accuracy of the Bible. You could have stopped there, because you don’t believe it to be true. The rest of the statements are moot, because you reject the Bible.
You tried to circumvent their beliefs. You intentionally tried to deceive the organization to offer help. The organization was upfront. They put their criteria in the open, first and foremost, starting with belief in the infallible, authoritative Word of God.
None of us has the right before God to pick and choose what the Bible says. If you don’t believe it, if you reject it, then based on what the Bible says, you will one day be judged by it, regardless of your beliefs.
I believe the Bible. I choose to live by it. Guess what? I am still held accountable for how I live my life according to God’s Word. I struggle daily to live within God’s will.
Regarding your application, though, [the organization] lives out what it considers to be biblical truth. It’s not about you or being gay. You reject God’s Word. They don’t.
Now, that being said, I understand why they want volunteers who ascribe to the same beliefs. For them, this need offers an opportunity to share God’s Word with people. They see themselves as a group who can tend to both the physical and spiritual needs of thousands of suffering people. They are doing what God commands in the Bible. And that’s their right. Just as much as it is your right — and the right of every person their volunteers encounter — to reject what the Bible says.
I don’t know how it feels to be LBGTQ community and raised in a Christian household, where you felt unloved, were kicked out, or otherwise abused.
I’ve been abused. I’ve been rejected. I’ve been unloved. But, it’s different. I know it is. None of these behaviors come from a place of Christ-centered love.
For some reason, my heart is greatly burdened for the pain this community feels. I’ve witnessed plenty of people hurt by their loved ones for being gay. Maybe that’s why. I wrote about my journey of faith here.
Christ-followers have a lot to learn about how to love better. We all do.
Parting Words
I didn’t know these words would be my last exchange with Russel. I’m sad about it. Christians are just people. Being a Christian doesn’t make me better, it doesn’t even make me good. If I were good, then I wouldn’t need Christ.
Yes, plenty of Christians are arrogant and self-righteous. People don’t have to be religious to be self-righteous and arrogant, though.
I identify with Christians, because I follow Jesus Christ. And, when another Christian, especially someone of influence with a bigger stage and louder voice says something that implies one group or person is “less than,” my heart grieves.
My letter concludes with these words:
Finally, regarding [the Christian leader]. I read the tweet you linked in your article and the original post Mr. [No Name] linked. I believe the same Bible he does. I serve the same Lord. And, admittedly, I’ve privately had adverse reactions to some gay things I don’t fully understand. If I were a person of influence as he is, I would choose my words more carefully. I believe in being transparent, honest. I also believe strongly in compassion and grace. Christ came full of grace and truth. For me, I don’t read compassion and grace in some of what Mr. [No Name] writes. I infer assumptions and false accusations from the way he presents his thoughts.
For the Bible-believing Christian community as a whole, this lack of compassion and grace, while speaking the truth of God’s word grieves me. God is just. God is holy. God is love. When I read the Bible, which I do frequently, more than anything, I experience God’s love. For you, Russel, I wish you encountered God’s love from Christians far more often than you have.
As for the volunteer work through this organization, I don’t think your assessment of the situation fairly includes the choices you made.
I hope we can still have coffee sometime.
A Polite Cup of Coffee
I was wrong about Russel and me being friends. I was wrong about having coffee with him sometime.
Many of you who read to the end probably think I’m wrong about everything I believe. And, that’s OK.
People don’t have to agree to be kind, or at the very least, polite.
I’d prefer coffee and friendship. If listening and politeness is all I can get, though, I’ll take it.
At least it’s a start.
