Welcome to Undesign the Grind
A new Medium-zine by Jennifer Aue, that AI design lady
In 2021 I was 44 years old and 25 years into my career. I was working for a large corporation with people around the world, running back-to-back-to-back workshops for product teams looking to implement AI into their user experiences. My calendar was black, from 8:00 am Monday to 6:00 pm Friday.
Then from 6:01 pm Friday to 7:00 am Monday, I would crash.
Weekend after weekend I was too exhausted to get out of bed, make food at home, spend time with my husband or his kids, talk to friends, visit my family, or do anything physical. I had daily headaches. I was gaining weight for no identifiable reason. I just kept telling myself to stop being lazy and get over it. I was so lucky to have a job and life I loved. I was being selfish and ungrateful and weak.
But somewhere, very deep down, I knew something had to change. The “work harder, get it done, never say no” approach I’d used for 20 years, and believed was the main reason I was successful at all, didn’t seem like it was going to be sustainable as I got older. And it definitely wasn’t improving the quality of my work or my life. Although I was trying—throwing money at the problem in the form of personal trainers, massage therapists, buying lots of expensive candles and even more expensive natural wines — I was secretly praying for a break. I just couldn’t figure out a way to take time off without believing my team’s mission would fail and the world would end.
Every day, wishing for a way to stop my obsession with delivering results my bosses would love regardless of impossible circumstances, wishing I could take an extended vacation without losing my job or regular paycheck, wishing I could just sleep for a month and wake up with energy, wishing I could find parts of myself besides work to enjoy and be passionate about…
I’ll never know how much of what happened next was the universe answering me, the power of my own thoughts shaping reality, or just the obvious medical outcome to a lifetime of punishing my mind and body. Whatever it was, I got my wish.
How I wound up in this situation, what happened when everything fell apart, how I’ve been rebuilding my life from the rubble, and what I’m continuing to learn about being a human is a long story.
And because I’ve found that so many people are going through similar experiences and there’s no one place to find the answers, I want to share and help and keep learning from others.
So folks, this is my new Medium series, Undesign the Grind, where I’ll be sharing very personal stories and resources to help others who are struggling to un-program their brains from grind culture standards. It’s for anyone who relates to these feelings and experiences, who’s trying to find more balance and set boundaries in life, or who’s already experiencing stress-related health issues and struggling to get back on track.
I’m going to openly, shamelessly talk about ALL of it — the science, the generational trauma, the history of how we wound up here, the psychological research and the spiritual elements of healing.
If you follow along, please ask me questions, share your stories, let me know what’s helping you — because having friends to laugh, cry, and talk through it with has made all the difference for me. ❤
If you have questions about anything in this story, your own personal experiences to share, or resources you want to tell me about that have been helpful, please put them in the comments or email directly at jennifer.ann.aue at gmail dot com. ❤
