Cisgender Straight Parents Have Trans Kids Too
Just because you’re not transgender, doesn’t mean your kids won’t be.
Do you know what you’ll say if your child tells you they’re transgender?
It’s always better to be prepared than not.
Not all transgender kids are born within a family already part of the LGBTQ+ community. In fact, many are not.
Don’t assume that because you’re straight and cisgender, your kids will be too.
It’s impossible to know such things.
Educate yourself.
Because none of us can foresee our future — or the futures of our kids — we need to be prepared to raise kids who could fall anywhere on the gender spectrum.
As parents, we learn all sorts of things in order to raise the best human beings possible. Learning what it means to not be cisgender and straight needs to be one of those things.
Kids have questions — tons of them. And if you don’t have the information to satiate their curiosity they’ll try to figure it out themselves — whether the answers they find are true or even appropriate.
We live in a world where information is at our fingertips. As intelligent adults, we can separate the accurate information from the false gossipy swill out there. In fact, we need to. Because our kids will have questions.
Read some more articles.
There are tons of articles out there written by other parents who have dealt with transgender kids. There’s also plenty of scientific material out there to read as well.
The Trevor Project’s most recent survey could easily scare you into realizing how important it will be to be prepared and supportive regardless of where your kid falls on the gender spectrum.
Buy or borrow a book.
I read and listen to lots of books throughout the year. Some I buy, some I borrow through my library with the Libby app. There are hundreds of biographies and personal memoirs out there diving deep into what it means to be transgender or to raise a transgender child.
Watch a video.
Just as Google gives you thousands of avenues to explore a topic, so does searching that topic on YouTube. Allow Linden Jordan to expand your mind with his talk on the Science of Gender. Or listen to a young man tell you what your child might need — because he knows, he’s been there.
Listen to a podcast.
There are more than thirty-million podcast episodes for you to choose from nowadays. Why not listen to one that might help prepare you for that conversation about gender identity your kid will ask you about someday?
There are shows hosted by parents of trans kids and shows that dive into the culture of the LGBTQ+ community. Raising Good Humans has an excellent episode interviewing two experts who discuss gender identity.
Make your next drive to work or the grocery pick-up an educational one that will help your family.
Talk to someone who’s been there.
Connecting with other parents who have “been there, done that” was invaluable for me when my son came out as transgender. Most are very open to questions from others for the sake of learning and supporting their own children.
Join a Facebook group for parents or loved ones of trans kids. Participate in online chat forums. Connect with PFLAG (Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) for all sorts of support materials.
The information is out there. There’s really no excuse anymore to not better understand what being transgender means.
There’s also no excuse to not have those answers your child might ask you for someday.
Embrace empathy.
Learning about something you were previously ignorant about cultivates understanding within yourself and those around you — especially your kids. Kids mimic their parents and other adults they know. They easily pick up on our mannerisms and actions even when words never leave our mouths.
This is where the importance of your self-education comes in to play. Your new-found knowledge will encourage empathy within you. Kids notice how we act and react to others.
Learning more about others’ ways of life, struggles, hardships, and cultures promotes an empathetic understanding. We finally understand because we can see things from their perspective. Consequently, we act — and are — more accepting and supportive of others. And our kids take notice.
Empathy and the ability to encourage understanding are what our children need to thrive as independent, confident, beautiful humans.
Acceptance
All this is to say that learning more about others can foster acceptance between people as well as across cultures. With that our differences will no longer promote fear, ignorance, and prejudice. Rather our diversity will bring us together because we better understand one another.
The big takeaway here is to educate yourself.
It all starts with learning about what you don’t already know and understand. If you’re cisgender and straight, recognize that you’re coming from a place of privilege and also one that may be filled with naivety. Learn as much as possible so neither of those attributes causes your child to feel unsupported, unaccepted, or unloved.
Dive in and explore gender identity and expression as if you’re preparing for your college exams. Remember, your kid will have questions. Be ready with the right answers.
Kids can confuse silence with disapproval, so speak up. You’ll be able to have those difficult conversations and answer those questions because you prepared. Discussing these things will give your child the idea that it’s okay to talk about anything and everything.
And that’s what helps a kid feel supported, accepted, and loved.
Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.
Zada Kent is creator of LGBTQueer-ies & proud parent to her transgender son.
