Dad’s Practical Guidebook

MOST IMPORTANT (part one)

Call. Family isn’t about judgment, it’s about care.

Call. We’re here so you can benefit and learn from our mistakes.

Beyond just our family and your “aunts and uncles,” if in actual need, you have the numbers you need:

Me, Tommy, Cali, Jose, Lynn, Jenna, Phil, Karl, Robin, Uncle Marieo, Dave Johnson, Dr. Hartman

There isn’t a door in all the world that one of us can’t open.

If you have a problem that can be fixed by Mike or I throwing money at it, then you don’t have a problem. :)

Call your grandmothers. Regularly. You won’t have them forever.

PRACTICAL

You determine your worth.

Don’t be looking down at your phone while you’re walking, and, for God’s sake, don’t be one of these assholes walking around talking on speaker phone. Oh, look at me, I have a call.

While we’re on this topic, don’t ever answer the phone in a bathroom.

Be a regular somewhere.

On time is 15 minutes early.

If there’s any other option, don’t use the handicap stall. There are people who legitimately need that.

Do you remember the people who quit? Neither does anyone else.

Remember the first rule I taught as your coach: you’re playing for the woman on your right, and woman on your left.

Never draw to an inside straight.

If you want to go check out the restaurant, it’s OK to eat by yourself.

No one has ever said, “I’m fine,” and meant it.

It’s on the bottom shelf for a reason.

Beneath every feeling is a need.

Never do anything for thanks. Do it because it’s the right thing to do.

If you get invited to the wedding, go. There’s always someone else they could have invited.

There’s always room for one more chair at the table.

Try the food before you add any salt or pepper.

The #1, sure fire way people will get the wrong idea is if you let them pay.

Return your cart.

Parleys are a sucker bet.

Have that one karaoke song you know you can knock out of the park.

People who need love the most ask for it in the most unloving ways.

You’ll learn more from a quiet look around.

Always have your health insurance card on you.

Know where the cleanest public restrooms are. And then share that information with no one :)

The internet is a pen, not a pencil, and your future employers are going to check it out.

Don’t bullshit yourself.

Campuses have everything — music, sports, theater, volunteering. Cast a wide net. Check it all out.

Pepsi sucks.

When you meet these people who root for the Cowboys, Lakers, Yankees, and Duke — look, you don’t have enough time in your life for their level of bullshit.

Vote.

Play the game, not the occasion.

Do things that challenge you.

You’re allowed to make a big deal out of things that are a big deal to you.

Don’t keep score.

You’re interviewing them as much as they’re interviewing you.

The ultimate icebreaker question: Who would you rather fight, a duck sized man, or a man sized duck?

Get your news from a source that has an editorial board.

Get gas before the goddamn low fuel light comes on.

It’s just not that big a deal.

Empty the trash every night.

Always pee before you leave. You have no idea what traffic will be like.

Never wear the shirt of the band you are going to see. Unless that band is Iron Maiden.

Don’t vote for people who don’t consider you an equal human being.

People say stupid shit when they’re angry. You will, too. Don’t hold people to a standard that you don’t want to be held to as well.

What you want to believe shouldn’t dictate what you actually believe.

The only, only, reason to ever look at how much someone else has is to make sure they have enough.

Do not, not ever, stand by while someone is mistreated. Get in the war.

WISDOM FROM MY POP-POP

If you’re going to be in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

ACADEMICS

90% of life is just showing up. Go to class.

Get your assignments handed in on time.

Go to the library, get your work done, and then it’s done.

If someone is mailing in the group project, burn them. It’s your grade, too.

Sit in the first two rows. There’s less bullshit there.

Semesters are short. If you’re struggling, speak up and speak loud.

Make sure the TA / professor knows who you are.

TRUTHS (SOME SAD)

If your gut tells you it’s wrong, it’s wrong.

Your body, your rules.

There’s safety in numbers.

People will expect you to be okay with things they wouldn’t be okay with if it was done to them.

From Kate: If you go to a party, whomever you go with, you leave with.
And there’s no good reason to go upstairs, stay where you can be seen.

Know where the police station is. If you have to run, run there. It’s open 24 / 7, and it will be the safest place you can go. Under any circumstances. Even if you’re under age drunk. Especially then. Your other best two choices are a hospital ER and an airport.

People are only ever as loyal as their options. Read that again.

Take the unopened drink.

If you’re the organizer, eventually people take that shit for granted.

You owe them nothing.

If it feels too good to be true, it is.

FINANCES

Credit cards are an anchor in your life. Avoid them like the plague.

Let it sit in the Amazon cart for 24 hours, and then decide if you need it.

If you spend more than you have, money winds up owning you.

You don’t need to spend $200 at Target.

Coffee isn’t supposed to cost $7.

Seriously, never apply for a campus credit card. Ever. EVER.

There will be another Taylor Swift show. Settle down.

HEALTHCARE

There is always time to brush your teeth.

Never self-diagnose.

Don’t wait until the last day to refill your prescription.

Stretch.

We have incredible health insurance. Whatever it is, go get it checked out.

LIVING SPACE

You want to own a plunger before you need a plunger.

Change your sheets.

It’s a shared living space. Respect that.

Lock the bathroom door.

Don’t become the hangout room. Let someone else deal with that shit.

IMPORTANT QUOTES (make sure you’re always reading)

“The unexamined life is not worth living.” Socrates

“Keep a little fire burning; however small, however hidden.” Cormac McCarthy

“I’m a real person. I exist even when you can’t see me.” Fleishman is in Trouble

“Write the song you need to hear.” Bono

“It’s all about getting outside of your comfort zone. Until you do, you’ll never know what you’re capable of.” Ballers

“Because the moment moral superiority supersedes fact, history becomes illegitimate.” Jeff Passan

“We’re only immortal for a limited time.” Rush

“Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person.” Mother Teresa

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

“When you’re good at something, you’ll tell everyone. When you’re great at something, they’ll tell you.” Walter Payton

“Boats that stay in the harbor are safe, sweetheart, but that’s not what boats were built for.” Fredrik Backman

“I’m all heart motherfucker!” Jerry Maguire

“There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.” Sarah Dessen

“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.” Cormac McCarthy

“Life can only be understood backwards.” Soren Kierkegaard

“The way up and the way down are one and the same.” Heraclitus

“Give me but one firm spot on which to stand and I will move the earth.” Archimedes

“I have not yet begun to fight.” John Paul Jones

“Things don’t happen, they are made to happen.” John F. Kennedy

“You are your possibilities. If you know that, you can do anything.” Oprah Winfrey

“Everything will be OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.” John Lennon

GOALS

Don’t ever be a “why doesn’t someone do something about all the things?” If it’s wrong, fight it.

99% of the world is playing checkers. Be one of the people playing chess.

From Norm: Get involved in your community, help mold it how you want it to be.

You’re supposed to fail the first time you do something. That’s how you learn.

Take every step with intention.

Never, never ever, lose hope.

You have this one life. Fucking do something with it.

CLICHES (BUT FOR A GOOD REASON)

If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.

Be at the table where people talk about ideas, not shit about other people.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Everyone has a plan until they get hit.

OBVIOUS

Once you’re 21, you will be picking up whiskey for Mom and I and driving it back. That’s just the way it is. I don’t make the rules.

MOST IMPORTANT (part two)

Make sure it’s a good life.