6 ways to conduct effective one-on-ones
“I had a huge pile of things which I wanted to share with my lead — my progress, things that needed his guidance, and my career aspirations. But I wasn’t sure if our meeting would happen. It had already been rescheduled four times since the last eight weeks.
Even if it was to happen, given his workload, I wasn’t sure if he would give me his undivided attention. I knew I would lose his attention at the first buzz of an incoming SMS — no matter if the SMS was from a pesky telemarketer selling the services he didn’t need.”
A friend who works with a big IT company shared her story with me recently. Her eyes were full of despair and hopelessness. I heard all of this nonchalantly, waiting for her to finish her side of the story. When she stopped, I asked her quite many questions- related to the cadence of their 1:1, the type of questions they ask, and their expectations from the meeting.
What she shared with me was quite predictable. There was no fixed duration, no fixed agenda, no monthly goals, no set expectations. The 1:1 system had worked in the beginning, but the charm faded over a period of time.
When she spoke these words, I saw a glint in her eyes for now she knew where the problem lies. But she didn’t know the solution. So, I helped her out with whatever understanding I possess about 1:1s.
Below is everything in a nutshell-
A 1:1 is the holy grail of building strong and healthy relationships. It not only helps a manager unblock a team member’s impediments but also hear strides their team member had made in accomplishing their goals. Apart from that, it’s an opportunity to set the expectations about team member’s career track, hear their perspective about the company and discuss each other’s feedback.
If done right, it sweetens the bond between the manager and the subordinate. If done poorly, it instills the feeling that the manager doesn’t care. I understand that it’s a gross simplification of facts but it does add to a subordinate’s frustration. Especially if they are always hurried and disorganized than they are expected to be.
Here are a few things that I believe would help you in having a meaningful 1:1 conversation-
Preparation. Preparation. Preparation.
Make sure you spend at least 30 minutes a day before the scheduled conversation to prepare for the feedback. Look through the progress, action items and impediments from your last 1:1 especially if there were some action items in your to-do list.
The idea is to continue the conversation from the last time and build on top of that story. If not done right, every 1:1 turns into a reboot button- one ends up starting from ground zero again and every 1:1 sadly turns into the famous First 50 Dates movie.
Make a good start.
The start is important, if not done right you might just end up with a status update rather than a candid conversation with the team member. Start with setting the tone and expected outcome from the meeting. Then merely open the conversation by — “So, how are you doing?” You might also consider starting with a compliment or a small appreciation for the ownership your team member showed in the last quarter.
Too casual a beginning might lead to a frivolous ending and too intense a beginning might lead to reluctance of the team member to talk openly.
Don’t forget the past.
Don’t jump on fresh items unless you have discussed the previous month’s one-one-one actionable(s). This will assure the team member that you have been very closely working to track progress and are invested in their growth. This helps put the “personal care” in the 1:1 quotient.
Get in the listening zone.
Refrain from talking too much. It is their moment, get them talking rather than go jib-jab with your own thoughts. You could help set the pace by asking the right questions. Some of the context might demand you to ask open ended questions to get richer insights instead of asking closed ended questions which can be answered in binary.
Before giving the feedback, seek it first.
It’s always best to seek feedback about your performance as a manager first rather than giving feedback directly. I encourage team members to ask both positive and constructive feedback first — “why don’t you share 2 things that you have agreed and disagreed with me in the last 4 weeks?”. Only and only when the team member has shared the feedback about you, you share feedback about them.
End it on a positive note
Express gratitude when you close the conversation. Nothing, I repeat, nothing in this world is beyond repair. Even if the outcomes/performance/feedback has not met your expectations, end your meeting on a positive note. Not that you should say things which you genuinely don’t believe in. But, speak words that affirm that you are ready to help in whatever way possible. Let your guards down and give the team member one more chance to perform.
I’m very sure that no one in the world would have conducted a glitch-free or super-effective 1:1 in their first attempt. The goal of conducting a 1:1 is to better understand your team members and build a relationship with them.
So, keep experimenting with questions, format and you’ll be rocking it out in no time.
I wrote this blog for our Medium Publication- Unboxing Product Management. If you liked reading it, clap your heart out and help others find it.
