A Penny For Your Thoughts

Has it ever happened that to you, that you were sitting quietly in some corner, minding your own business, when suddenly someone walks up to you and goes, “What are you thinking about?” ?

This one question seems to be the only way you can guarantee that I will hate you for the rest of my life. I hate talking. I literally despise being forced to form words and grunt them out for absolutely any kind of reason. If everyone I know could just be on WhatsApp, where I could just message them what I needed to say, I would actually consider paying for its yearly subscription. You would not believe how seriously I have considered leaving everything I do and spending my time looking into the science behind telepathy. And, I am not even talking about the fun telepathy that lets you read people’s thoughts and control them and stuff. If I could simply tell people what I needed them to do, without having to voice it, I would be eternally happy.

Now a dislike for idle chit chat is something that many people profess, but that’s just not it. I do not just hate idle chit chat, I actually hate all forms of chit chat, which makes questions like “What’s on your mind?” the worst thing you could do to me. Not only does the question serve absolutely no purpose, it is also impossible to answer with complete honesty. Now I am no expert, but I have been told that at any given moment, an average human being can entertain more than a single notion. We often worry about how we will meet this deadline that is fast approaching while simultaneously wondering what we would like to have for dinner. Tell someone, however, that you were thinking about dinner and they will simply assume you are lying. Is there some rule that says that people cannot think about everyday mundane stuff? Is it really so unthinkable that someone was not thinking about love or hope or world peace, but simply about how he would like to order his pizza? And let’s just pretend for a moment that was indeed thinking about world peace. How the hell do I admit to that without coming across as a complete jerk off? This habit that people have of asking useless questions must come to an end. I almost do not hate you, man! Why would you want to change that?

Then of course there are the people that do have a right — a certain hold over you, even. Now these people are few in numbers and you need to be very careful what you say to them, lest you lose the few people who do consider you a friend. So you try and be honest with them. When they ask you what troubles you, you know that there is only so long before you will have to answer them. But when I try to think back on what I was wondering about, I draw a blank.

Telling people what you were wondering is a lot like trying to recall a dream. Sometimes you remember exactly what it was, but most of the times it is like trying to hold air in your hands. I am not trying to avoid your question, or lie to you in any way. It was probably something as mundane as dinner plans or wondering whether I had remembered to turn off the lights before I left home.

I am a boring person, and anyone who knows me well enough, agrees. Sometimes I sit alone and think about breathing, and this is without the effects of drugs or herbs of any kind. It is something that helps me relax, but is weird nonetheless. As painful as it may sound, more often than not, it was not about you. I may like you, I may care about you, and I may even love you, but I have yet to run into someone who could occupy my attention in its entirety, and just never let go.

So that’s what my two options are when you ask me this question.

a. I can lie to you

b. I can be honest and i.) bore you, or ii.) hurt you.

I remember telling someone, “Sometimes I think of you, without you needing to remind me.”

I meant it as a compliment, of course. That too, in the best way possible. Well, that did not turn out to be a very fun conversation, but the fact is, that I think of too many mundane things everyday, so when I do think of you, it is a remarkable occurrence for me, and is something I would like to share with you, and hope that you understand.

The next time you get the inclination to ask me this question, you know what you SHOULD do? Do not say a word. Seriously, just take a couple of steps back and walk off in some other direction. Do not look back, do not pause, continue walking, and go bother someone else.