Things That Are Not Substitutes for a Personality

That Spotify Premium subscription

• Disliking stuff
• Liking obscure stuff
• A Seinfeld box-set
• A car
• Anime
• A summer spent backpacking through Southeast Asia
• Or Europe
• An Alaska cruise
• A Caribbean cruise
• A cruise
• Frequent use of the phrase ‘pearl-clutching’
• Name-dropping philosobros
• Contrarianism
• MEMES
• Living in a city name-checked in popular media
• MicroKorg
• Arturia MiniBrute
• Moog Sub Phatty
• Literally any other synth
• Or assorted music production gear
• Tumblrspeak
• Athleisure brands
• Ability to trawl through music blogs
• and Soundcloud
• Bandcamp may be exempt idk, depends on how I’m feeling on the day
• Crossfit
• Yoga
• Referencing Virgil Abloh
• Being Virgil Abloh
• Alcoholism
• Smoking pot
• Substance dependence
• Introversion
• Extroversion
• Ambiversion
• Personality quizzes that help you identify as either
• Documentaries
• Dramatically altering your hair
• Jazz
• Appreciating art made by dead straight white dudes
• Appreciating art made by living straight white dudes
• Excessive cursing
• Writing self-seeking bulleted lists that hold up a cruel mirror to your own horrorshow of a personality
• A personality