That first glimpse of Ocean

So, I’m pregnant at 35, what now?

I woke up again feeling tired than refreshed. I figured I must be tired a day before due to the stressful events at work. Then again, I remembered I’m ten days late. Usually if I’m stressed, my period would either a week earlier or a week late. But I’m ten days late!

I told Mark that I’m late than the usual. He would shrieked, “You’re pregnant Mamang!”, and I would replied, “Nah, maybe I was just stressed. Let’s wait for a few days”. At work, I’ve consumed more than 5 mugs of coffee a day but still I am so sleepy and weak. I felt gassy and irritated. Day 12 came, no monthly visitor arrived. I bought a pregnancy test that day. On Day 13, right after my first pee in the morning I took the test.

I remember that moment. The way I waited for the second line to appear. I was both hopeful and felt negative at the same time. It was like forever in a slow motion. When the second pink line appeared, I cannot describe the feeling. The moment Mark saw the PT stick via viber, his face lit up. I told him not to get too much excited. I took another test the following day and confirmed our suspicion. So I’m pregnant at 35! What now?!

That weekend I went to see the doctor. I couldn’t remember when was the last time I was in a hospital (well aside from visiting a hospitalized family member or friends). Mark wasn’t able to go with me due his cancelled flight because of APEC week and he was just bummed. With Mark being away, I already accepted the fact that for now, I will have to take care on my own. My doctor recommended a TVS. The moment I laid down in that hospital bed, a lot of thoughts were running in my mind : this would affect my momentum at work, our purchased house is not yet turned-over to us, no more travelling at least for a year, the joys of married life, the idea that a human being is growing inside me, what would I do next. But all those thoughts disappeared when I saw a small patch of amniotic sac with a whitish yolk-shaped thing inside it. The ultrasound said I was 7 weeks and 3 days pregnant! My heart leaped with joy, the feeling was incredible. When the doctor let me hear its heartbeat, I wanted to cry. I can’t contain my happiness, it was something I haven’t felt ever since. Finally, the one I’ve been praying for so long have arrived. It was the moment I could hear the Lord telling me “This is the right time, I’m giving it to you.”

Mark and I have been praying for so long. In our 5 years of being together, we already decided that having a family is our next step. Our careers are stable, we’ve been travelling every year to enjoy something we have in common. We already invested a townhouse for our incoming family. And this is the right time. When Mark arrived to check on me on my 10th week, he told me he already have a name. He wanted to name our baby, Ocean.

Pregnancy symptoms appeared after that. My trips to the bathroom have increased than the usual. Food cravings and aversions started to kick in. I took pre-natal vitamins and folate-rich milk (though I hate the taste of it). I began researching about pregnancy; what to do, hormonal changes and how to deal with it. With the help of pregnancy apps on my smartphone, I can keep track of the changes in my body week after week. Morning sickness usually would last until night. I’ve never been so tired in my life. I became used to waking up in the middle of the night to pee. Every day I feel so bloated, gassy and uneasy. And today at 12 weeks, I couldn’t button my pants. My belly’s getting bigger, my breasts are sore and I am always hungry.

I am the most happiest. Well, Mark insisted that he’s the happiest. My mother is supportive, excited of the arrival of her second grandchild. My siblings are happy and would tell me to always take care of myself. Mark’s family’s excited as well, they look forward for next year. I’ve never felt so special and loved. Even though my body is screaming “tired” my heart is dancing with “joy”. All these hormonal changes happening, I wouldn’t mind at all. This is what true love is all about. I am currently preparing myself to motherhood. This is the stage I have been dreaming since I was young. I can’t wait to see my baby soon. My journey may be hard but I pray that we will be normal, healthy and safe. I trust the Lord that I can handle whatever hardships coming our way. I trust Him that even at my age, everything will be alright.