She’s Transitioning From an Ugly Duckling Into a Swan
On a beautiful, sunny Friday afternoon, sitting on top of a purple and white zebra-striped blanket on a green turf, Charlena Verette embraces a mystic midnight blue hairstyle, along with a leopard jacket, a black blouse, and leather pants with holes cut at the knees.
She mentions how she was diagnosed with gender dysphoria in the mid-90s when she was 36 years old. But despite the diagnosis, Charlena asserted that she continued to be secure about the fact that she is a woman. And she said that she has had feelings of wanting to become a woman since the age of 16, during the 70s. It took nearly 23 years for Charlena, who is now 59, to consider the possibility of fully transitioning into a woman from a male body.
“I’ve been diagnosed with late-onset gender dysphoria. I identify as female, and that’s important because a time before, I identified as gender non-binary. And the difference is… well, it’s obvious. Gender non-binary, you have characteristics of both sex genders,” Charlena said. (According to WebMD, gender non-binary individuals don’t attribute to a gender at all.)
“That’s important,” Charlena continued. “But at a certain point, it’s like the scales tipped completely. Maybe about five months ago, I felt absolutely no male side at all, and my gender dysphoria increased.”
Now, she is in the process of transitioning. Charlena takes estrogen pills and testosterone blockers to assist with properly transitioning into a woman. She plans to eventually get breast implants and reconstructive surgery to turn her penis into a vagina — two procedures that she said will cause excruciating pain and a somewhat slow recovery.
“Some people, a very small percentage, would take it and not feel right,” Charlena said about her hormone replacement therapy medications. “In my case, I feel really great. Maybe a little drowsiness and a little bit of nausea, but other than that, I feel super focused and centered, and I feel like I’ve come home to myself in a way that I never felt before.”
Charlena currently lives in transitional housing in Los Angeles. (The name of the facility has been omitted for safety reasons.) Alicia Hunter, who also lives there, is ambivalent about Charlena’s transformation.
“I don’t know. I can’t really say anything about her transition,” said Hunter. “It would be kind of offensive to my trans friends because he’s a man saying that he’s trans, when I have actual friends who have gotten the surgery and fully transitioned.”
Although Hunter has mixed thoughts about Charlena referring to herself as a trans woman, Hunter had nice things to say about Charlena as a person. She expressed how Charlena is gifted with the ability to sense others’ energy and connect with them.
“I believe that Charlena has become in tune with what the world says,” Hunter said. “She’s captivated it all and has come in tune with it all. She made it something acceptable and receivable to other people even though it may seem abstract. I believe that she has developed who she wants to be, and she has come one with herself.”
While conducting another interview with Charlena a week later, she fell ill on March 26 due to the onset of irritable bowel syndrome, not attributed to the hormone treatment. And through her pain, she squeezed my hand for prayer for her wellness. Charlena remained hopeful — emotional because of the pain. Yet, full of determination to get well.
“I’m going to get over this,” Charlena said behind pained tears. “I’m going to have to eat chicken and rice for the next few days.”
Charlena eventually recovered from her medical condition and asked me on April 7 for a photoshoot. So we both caught the LA Metro bus line 81 toward downtown Los Angeles on April 9. The two of us exited the bus on Figueroa Street and Olympic Boulevard and then walked east toward Broadway to the Grand Central Market. However, before strolling down Broadway, Charlena stopped and posed in front of a mural with different shades of blue and violet stripes slashed across a white and black painted face.
“She wants to be who she is, and everyone should be able to do what makes them happy. And that’s Charlena. She wants to be who she is, and she’s so accepting of everyone,” said Ranie Lin, another resident of the transitional house.
Transitioning is a difficult journey for individuals who identify as a different gender. It can get quite lonely and depressing because many receive no support. However, Charlena says that she has not lost any friends or family while undergoing the stages of transition.
“I haven’t really lost friends or family. Although I’m transitioning now, I’ve always been very out about having a feminine side,” Charlena said. “I’ve also worn women’s clothes for a long time. Make-up. So people in my life are not too surprised, and my family is super supportive. My mom is super cool. My brother and sister are really great. And my father, if he were alive, he would be totally supportive.”
With all fear placed behind her, Charlena has never been as ready as she is now. She says that she’ll eventually lose her mind because of her increased gender dysphoria if she doesn’t do anything about it.
“The only reason I’m doing it now is because I’m not scared of it,” Charlena said. “And it’s one of those sorts of things that your dysphoria has to be at such a level that you’re willing to do something. So that’s where I’m at. My dysphoria is so massive and intense that if I don’t do something, I literally will go crazy.”
Although Charlena has a long journey toward transitioning into a woman, she’s determined and will not stop the process until it’s complete.
(Story updated April 18, 2021)
